Meet and Greet Monday/Music Monday

Hey guys.

Meet Sydney.

• she is super spunky. and clever. and witty. and cool.
• she cuts her hair off because she wants to and she doesn't care what people think. like Britney Spears.
• she lives in one of the coolest cities EVER!
• she can play the ukulele and sing songs.... AT THE SAME TIME!
• she is an avid seamstress.
• she can draw like nobody's business.

She is an amazing human and I am so grateful that I sat next to her one Sunday and we became friends. 

You ROCK Scud!

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

And now for Music Monday!

This song played on SYTYCD or something, but it has been one of my favs to listen to in the morning. It keeps me nice and calm and relaxed. 

Look up other stuff by Daughter. She is brilliant!

other favs: Landfill, Candles, Shallow, Still

Friend.

I have been trying to think of how I want to approach this topic, as it is very emotional for me and hard to express in words.

But let me first ask this question:

What are valuable and necessary attributes for a friend?

Here is my answer:

• kind
• funny
• compassionate
• loyal
• a good hugger
• empathetic
• unconditional love

(pretty standard of everyone, I assume)

Now here is a new question, 

Are you the kind of friend who possesses these attributes? 

Here are a few words from Marvin J. Ashton,

"There seems to be a misunderstanding on the part of some men today as to what it means to be a friend. Acts of a friend should result in self-improvement, better attitudes, self-reliance, comfort, consolation, self-respect, and better welfare. Certainly the word friend is misused if it is identified with a person who contributes to our delinquency, misery, and heartaches. When we make a man feel he is wanted, his whole attitude changes. Our friendship will be recognizable if our actions and attitudes result in improvement and independence."

When I was in high school, I was never that person who could walk down the hall and every person knew who I was. I didn't value popularity or notoriety and I still don't.

I was the girl who would walk down the hall, see a random student crying in the hall, and go over to see if they were okay. I was the girl who had a handful of friends, all of which would hang out in the band room and eat lunch together. Every person who I had lunch with was someone I genuinely cared about. Many of them have taken their own path for their future and occasionally I will look them up on Facebook to make sure everything is going good. I was known as the sweet, sensitive, caring, compassionate friend who could make anyone laugh and feel better about life. 

When I first came to BYU, my freshman roommate was most definitely not that person who I thought I would become friends with. She was everything I wasn't, but 3 years later, I call her my best friend. 

She is honest, kind, compassionate, witty (literally makes me pee my pants laughing), and wonderful. She drops everything to come see me when I feel less than the dust of the Earth. She, as Elder Ashton stated, helps me improve myself. 

Now comes the hard part. 

2 weeks ago, I had a particularly hard experience occur that has changed my outlook on relationships and expectations. It has made me very emotional and exceptionally sensitive. My roommates noticed the difference and were trying their best to make it easier for me, whether it be the multiple offers of ice cream, or the late night talks that usually ended with me in tears, they tried.

And I have to give them credit for that. They tried. 

My attitude drastically changed and there was a person in my life who didn't know how to handle this change. I was moody and somber rather than peppy and outgoing. I stopped hanging out with some friends and this person asked me a question that I believe was completely inappropriate. 

"I think you have depression. Have you looked up any articles? You should probably go see someone about it. BYU has counselors, but you should call soon. They are booking up fast."

Let me be clear, I have experienced depression and I was not depressed. I do not say that this question was inappropriate because I think Depression is an insult. It is a real thing and I think more people should take it seriously (like this person).

It was inappropriate because this person told me that I needed help rather than helping me.

I needed love and time.

"No one can be a friend until he is known. A friend is a person who will really take the time not only to know us, but to be with us. One of the finest presents you can give anyone is your best self."- Marvin J Ashton

Under the circumstances, and with time, I have come to understand why this person reacted the way that they did. I have since talked with this person and shared with them my feelings and insecurities, and that I am working on improving myself. I recognized my faults and mistakes and my renewed commitment to be better. 

I was so ready to forgive and move on, only to discover that this person had talked about me to another friend, comparing the relationship we had with the relationship that this person had with the other friend. (the difference in length of the relationships is about 2 1/2 years)

This person shared with their friend the things that I had privately discussed. 

Then I was mockingly called a "Fair-Weather Friend".

My first instinct right now is to trash talk and let out all my anger on this individual. I am beyond upset and offended. 

But I am not going to because "it takes courage to be a real friend." And I don't believe trash talking this person is being a friend. 

If you don't know what a fair weather friend is, click here for an interesting article to understand what type of people they are.

For those who know me, I am so NOT that kind of person. 

I am saddened that this person feels that way about me because if they were to actually know me, they would see that I would rather help someone than tell them that they need help. I would drop everything to help them, spiritually, physically, and emotionally. 

"How can we help a friend? An Arabian proverb helps us answer: “A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one’s heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.” Yes, a friend is a person who is willing to take me the way I am but who is willing and able to leave me better than he found me."

Marvin J Ashton

I am far from the perfect friend, but I can promise that I am not the kind of person to drop someone when I think it is inconvenient to be their friend. 

I take this experience as constructive criticism. I will be a better friend. I'm sorry to this individual that you felt like I was only your friend in happy and convenient circumstances. I will always be your friend, no matter what. I am THAT kind of person. 

I hope and pray that you don't feel like "cutting your losses" at the end of the school year, because I will always consider you one of my favorite friends. 

Now for a cheesy Pinterest quote:

xoxo

Something that should have happened a LONG time ago.

We always have that feeling- that deep pang of regret.
It always finds us. We can't run away from it.
Wanna know why?
Because we all want to be good people, better people, people who can say that they learned something and that they overcame their difficulties.

I hate regret.
I tell myself that I am not going to regret doing something, that I am going to follow through til the end. Well, here is something I should have done a long time ago.
I told myself that I would always feel a certain way, no regret.
Well, I am sitting on my couch, watching old Grey's Anatomy episodes, regretting.

To a friend that I still really love and miss a lot:
No one tells you what to say or how to act when something bad happens. You get to be in charge of your own actions. Unfair? No. Smart? Ehh.... Right? Yes.
Here is something about me you should know (well, if you really know me, then you already know this, but I will tell you anyway....):
I am a "knee jerker". An emotional reactant. Someone who has not learned the art of thinking before speaking, or in a particular case, typing. It all just comes out without any control and I HATE it.
You have no freaking idea how much I LOATHE how I react without taking any regard to the people around me and how they might be feeling. I try. Please believe me when I say that I try to not do it.
I remembered every feeling that night.

• Anger
• Passion
• Loneliness
• Hate
• Sorrow
• Confusion
• More Anger
• More Hate
• Scared
• REALLY Scared
• Pain
• Aching in every inch of my body- I couldn't even sleep that night.
• Anger
• Pride
• Emptiness

All in one night. And it didn't stop.
It continued every night.

And then I made it right. And for a moment, there was HOPE. Because someone who I thought would never forgive me, did.
My friend, I was forgiven, but still hurt by you.
I got your text and thought to myself, "Really? This is all I get? Gosh, this person really never cared about me...."
That is what I thought. And I am sitting on my couch, hating myself for not calling you the moment I got your text and telling you how sorry I was.
I am hating myself you letting you leave on your mission without telling you my favorite mission scripture. I regret not going to the temple with you before you went into the MTC. That was something I wanted to do REALLY bad.
You meant a lot to me, and you always will.
I am sorry, my friend, for allowing regret to happen. I am sorry for holding grudges and feeling prideful when all I wanted was to be loved by you as a friend, a close friend.
There is so much more I would want to talk to you about, but for right now, please know that I am sorry.
I am letting go of so much that has been inside of me.
The Savior wants to forgive.
I was forgiven of things by someone who I can call a best friend now. I felt undeserving of their love, and eternally grateful for their forgiveness.
So my friend, I speak directly to you,
I forgive you.
-EmJay

Celebrate the Birth.

Hello.
Yesterday, my sister had her birthday.
She is 24 years old. She is 200.71 weeks older than me.

I would like the entire world to know how wonderful my sister is.

On her birthday, she decided that she was going to have a grilling day in the park, because it was so DANG beautiful outside. When she picked me up, I expected to see just her husband there, but instead, I saw 2 little girls and a mother sitting at the table talking with Sean. Cali told me that she invited a lady and her daughters for dinner because her husband was sick.
I saw my sister helping this lady with her daughters.
I saw my sister cutting up the burger into smaller bites so the little girl could eat it.
I saw my sister run away to the playground holding the hands of these happy, smiling, beautiful girls, and all I could think was how beautiful my sister was.
She wasn't making today all about her. She made it about other people, which in turn only made it more about my sister.
She didn't even open her presents on her own! She let the little girls "help" her open them. (see picture to the left)
When we got back to her apartment, Ellie, Cali's BEST friend, besides me of course, came over just to give Cali a birthday hug. You could just see the happiness radiating from her whole being as she caught up with her friend.
Then, to my surprise, she invited Ellie to stay and watch a movie with us on Cali's bed. (a little strange, but if you know Cali and Sean, it's not weird at all)
Not at all making it about her, it ended up making me love my sister more for her selflessness and GENUINE love for others.

Sometimes I struggle with this idea that not everything is about me. (Insert snide remark from older brother Matt) But I thank my Heavenly Father each and every day for a wonderful example that I have, who knows what I am going through and can put it in words before I even understand it. She is a light and a beacon of love to all those who know her.

Cali, I love you. And am so grateful for you and all you are to me and our family.



Now go eat some more cake!

Turning 20

Who would have thought that turning 20 could be so dang awesome!

I was a little nervous that my birthday wouldn't be anything special because my parents weren't coming down and my roommates wouldn't do anything for me, or that it would just be a regular day, when in fact, it was a big, special, important day to me.

I had expectations. And they weren't met.




They were EXCEEDED!



I woke up and started to make myself look cute. I mean, c'mon, I'm 20, I should be looking HAWT!
Then my roommates made me chocolate chip pancakes! In cool/weird/creative shapes. Then I was greeted by lovely faces in another apartment that made me pancakes too! With whipped cream and strawberries!

observe picture below

I then headed off to church in my cute springy clothes because the weather was so FREAKING AMAZING!

In choir I was sung to, along with a fellow ward member/friend/kindred spirit. We share the same birthday which means we were just meant to be friends!

Sacrament meeting was a blast because I got to sit next to the gorgeous girl, shown above.

In Sunday school, my wonderful roommate Gina taught the lesson, but decided that everyone needed to sing to me again. ;) Her lesson was great and I loved being surrounded by people who love me.

Relief Society was brilliant. My new friend Mandalee, shown below in red, taught the lesson. She is returned missionary and just oozes love for the gospel and the spirit. She is a genuine person and I have been blessed to get to know her better. Then I was sung to again.

Feeling a little overwhelmed, I kept reminding myself how special I was to my Heavenly Father, and that this was His way of showing me love. Because, it was His day too. He let me have some of the recognition on my birthday.

I came home and went to my friends' apartment to find them excited to see me with a balloon and a yummy looking lemon square.

Picture required.

They are a lovely bunch of people and my life has been lifted and blessed for knowing all of them.

I walked quickly home to see my home teachers walk around the corner with a guitar. Another Happy Birthday to me! Ah!

Aren't they the cutest things ever?! I might be in love with both of them! ;) Just kidding. They have lifted my spirits and bore strong testimonies to me. They have strengthened my testimony of the gospel and of the power of the priesthood. I am grateful for their worthiness to hold such power. They are wonderful people and I am happy to call them my friends.

I was then picked up to go to my sister's place where  food was being cooked from a recipe I pinned on pinterest. A tester that turned out to be DELICIOUS! With homemade pazookies, presents from home, and Mario Party 9, I left feeling on top of the world.

I loved every minute of my birthday. I felt loved and special and important by those who matter most to me.

But it didn't even end on my birthday!

I went into work today to find one of my coworkers had made a cake for me! CRAZY!
They all sang to me and then we all ate cake! I gave some to the "full timers" I work with and they all wished me a happy birthday as well! I have continued to feel loved and treasured by my friends and family.

And all it makes me want to do is share that love with everyone around me. I want them to know that they are special too. That they are important.


To those reading this blog,
I don't know who you are, but I appreciate you. All that you do. You contribute to this world in a way that no one else can. Thank you for all that you do.

A Letter

Today was weird.

Sort of overwhelming.

I went home for the weekend and now I am sucked back into the life of college, being constantly swirled around by homework and stress.

I came home to a wonderful surprise.

My beautiful, talented, spiritual, best friend wrote me a letter from all the way in Ohio where she is serving her mission.

I had written her a letter about 3 weeks ago and was worried she hadn't gotten it. I was elated to see her handwriting on a stamped envelope addressed to me.

She reminds me of the happiness that comes from serving the Lord. I can tell that she is being blessed beyond compare for the work she is doing in Ohio.

She uplifts me in the little ways. I always remember how she always focuses on other people when she talks to them, never herself, which is a trait I believe is difficult to truly obtain.
Ultimate selflessness.
I mean, that is one of the most Christlike attributes we can ever obtain in this life. It means showing love and interest in something other than yourself, in ANY circumstance.
That's hard.
But look at the Savior's life. Never about himself. Never making His life more important than others. It was making sure those around him were loved and cared for in ways that only He could provide.

There are people out there in the world who need our love and care because we are the only people that can give that particular kind of love to them. If we don't, not only do we miss out on the blessings of service and charity, but that individual misses out on that blessing of YOU.

I love Taylor and am grateful each and every day for her wonderful example to me and how I want to be more like her.

Rejuvenate

Sometimes you need a good reminder that you can run faster than you think and love more than you believe.

• Once in a while go run a mile or two.

• See people you haven't in days, months, or even years.

• Be Ambitious To Be Great In The Eyes Of God.

• Do a little Yoga or Zumba or move something other than you eyes on the computer screen. 

• Deliver a loaf of pumpkin bread to a friend.

• Blast Christmas music throughout your entire kitchen.

• Read your scriptures for hours and realize how much you love the gospel.

• Make jokes about your life, always laughing and smiling.

I don't know what this week holds in store for me, but I can say that is going pretty good so far. I have come to understand that I am still that wonderful person that Nauvoo shaped me to be. And I can continue to be that person as long as I trust that that is who the Lord wants me to be. 

Today I went to the Gym with my bud Shelby and I happen to run into 5 different people that I haven't seen in a really long time. 2 of my wonderful sisters from Nauvoo, Natalie from Efy in 2011. 2011!!!  (That's a long time people) Then 2 people from work! It was a fun time and it reminded me of who I was when I knew them and how much I loved that person (all of the pros of the past). 

Today is a day when I realize how much I love my life.

Day 22

Today I got a letter in the mail from a girl who has become one of my best friends. We were roommates last year and for some reason, her and I just seemed to fit together and get along better than anyone else in our apt.

She is now in Ohio. Serving the Lord and doing fantastic.

I am grateful for Sister Taylor Byers.

She is such a righteous daughter of God. I love her and pray not only for her, but for all the missionaries of the church. May they be blessed and protected for their sacrifice and obedience.

Farewells and Hellos

So my companion in Nauvoo, who has officially become one of my bestest friends, said her farewells in her talk in church today.

She talked about how much Missionary Work means to her and you could just tell that she loves being a missionary for the Lord. Her smile is contagious and I couldn't stop smiling throughout her whole talk. I truly love her.... with ALL MY HEART!

Ain't she just grand?

So my farewell was to her, but my hellos were to a lot of my Nauvoo friends! I saw some people who changed my life and although not everyone was there, I felt their love and miss them continually. It felt like home to be surrounded by people who I grew to be so close to. Their hugs and questions about how my life was doing made me feel on top of the world. Sometimes, that is all that is needed to lift your spirits. 

These people were brought into my life by the Hand of the Lord. My relationships with them were divinely designed. Every moment I have with them means so much to me and I treasure them like a shepherd treasures his sheep.

Life takes us on adventures. Some we don't expect and some we desire to happen, but I have no doubt that the Lord has place in each of our adventures. There is a reason I am living in this apartment complex. There is a reason that I am living with these specific 5 girls. There is reason for my calling. There is a reason that my sister and her husband are still here in Provo (I am SOOOOOOO grateful to them and everything they do for me!) There is a reason that I visit teach certain girls and that I have the certain visiting/home teachers. 

I remember an experience in Nauvoo where I was having an extremely difficult time and I kept asking the Lord why. I told Him that I knew I was in Nauvoo for a reason, but I wanted to know why.  It was so overwhelming to me that I couldn't play in one of the concerts and I literally faked my way through the entire thing then ran to the bathroom to cry my eyes out. I needed to know why but I wasn't getting the answers that I wanted. 

That night I talked to some really special sisters and then sat in the kitchen and wrote down everything that I had learned while in Nauvoo and the things I was grateful for. Then I said a prayer and I wrote my prayer down. It was one of the most amazing expereineces because I got my answer that I didn't need to really know anything because I have already learned so much. 

Nauvoo was a pivotal turning point in my life and I can't wait for the next journey. The Lord has prepared me in ways I had no idea He would. How grateful I am to Him for all He has done for me. 

The people in Nauvoo are apart of my life.... even if they don't think they are, they are. 

I love all of them soooo much!

I didn't actually need the batteries...

So I had an amazing experience today.
The sort of experience you read about in books or hear a general authority tell.
and I can call it my experience.

So here is how it starts.



My statistics class requires an iclicker for all the in class quizzes and such. I already had one, but I had to register it again online. When I got home, I saw that it was out of batteries. "Flip!" Now I had to remember to buy some Double A batteries after my D&C class the next day (which is quite difficult.... so many things to remember....).

So I go to class and when I leave, I make sure I leave through the other exit so I can head towards the Bookstore. I am just walking, minding my own business while trying to navigate the overpacked hallway, when I hear someone say "Emily?" I turn to see my friend who I haven't seen in a year. It feels weird to say that, but really I think it has been a year since I have seen her face to face.....

Anyway, we step off to the side to avoid the massive migration of people. We hug, we laugh, and we just talk. It was so wonderful. She started asking me a lot about Nauvoo. It made me so happy to talk about it. None of my roommates ask me about it so I never really get to talk about it and in a way, relive the experiences I had.

While I was describing to her all the things I did, I recalled a moment when I was watching the Stage Missionaries perform and I thought of my friend. I remember thinking that it would so cool if she came and did this the next summer. So I told her of my memory. When I said it, she was very excited and happy and she wanted to know more. So we meandered over to the bookstore continuing catching up and stuff.

We stood in line to buy the batteries..... let me just comment on the RIDICULOUS pricing BYU has. 5 dollars for a package of 4 batteries. Wow, just wow! Anyway..... After I bought them, we found some seats and sat down and just talked. We talked about missionaries, old roommates, friends, boys, majors, future plans, etc. Ya know, everything girls talk about. :)

Well, when we talked about future plans, she mentioned her consideration of performing in Disney World or Sea World, but she hadn't really decided. I told her the url address to find the audition information for Nauvoo and said that auditions are due sometime in November.... I kept telling her that her future was up to her. And I shared with her something that I learned while in Nauvoo.

The Lord takes into consideration our desires, what we want for our future. If those desires are righteous and in accordance with His plan for us, then He will make a way for us to achieve it. He doesn't throw out what we want. I told her that if she wanted to perform in Walt Disney World more than anything else, and the Lord thought it was okay, then she is going to be performing there.

I have no doubts that she will make the decision that is best for her, even if it isn't Nauvoo. But my side of the experience was amazing.

After we said goodbye, I called my mom for the day and told her of this experience. While I was telling her what happened, I got the chills, and I was outside in the heat. It was the "Whoa" chills sensation. You probably have no idea what that is, but it felt so good. I stopped and told my mom that I had the chills just by telling her the story.

When I made it home, I opened my batteries and tried to put them in only to find out that it required Triple A batteries, which I already had.

The Lord works in mysterious ways. No doubt about it.

Whatever decision she makes, it will be the one that God wants her to take. He will provide a way for her and I am confident she will do great, wherever she goes. And I can be grateful for the experience that I had that testified to me that God is grateful for my service to Him in Nauvoo and He knows that my testimony of my experience is strong.

A week.

So it has been a week.
A week since I left Nauvoo
A week since I entered Idaho
A week since I was released
A week since came back to reality.

Wow.

My mom asked me today what I missed most about Nauvoo. Was it the place? the people? the costume?(heavens no) the music?

Everything. Everything about Nauvoo. The whole ambiance. (except the costume.... most definitely not the costume!)

Lately I have been trying to keep up with some of my friends in Nauvoo, but I have to remember that they have families too! They are in homes that they have grown up in, with friends that have known almost their entire life. I just moved to a new home in good ole' Idaho. I don't know anyone. I am at least 5 hours away from anyone I know. It's hard.
But enough with the pitying.....

Being home, I have been able to spend so much time with my mom and dad. helping them move into their new home and exploring the farm country that surrounds us.
(seriously, we were stuck behind this big vehicle today- on a main road!)

Is this for real?







I have loved the experiences I have had.
In a week I will be back in Provo headed to school.
I can't wait to get back to business and work my butt off getting those rockin' grades!

Here's where most of my motivation is coming from.

Optimism in ALL things.

Here is just a peak at the summer I had.

 aw... look at these silly elders :)

 ummmm. ya. that's a sunset- brilliant huh?

 the woman who changed my life

 those super fun packed lunches from the Myers

 Meeting the actor who played Joseph Smith in the Nauvoo Pageant

 shaking Dallin H. Oaks' hand 4 times

 this place. so beautiful

 super fun teamsters

 bike rides through old Nauvoo

 my Mission President and his wife!

 spinning- but not the costume- bleh

 random dental hygiene parties

 wagon- everyday

 working with these talented stage performers

 flowers as big as my head!

look at that view! never gets old

These experiences.... will last forever. How can you not look at them and just fall in love?

I left my heart in Old Nauvoo!

Coming to an End

So this is the official last week of school.... well finals week.
Then it's all done.
No more school.
or tests.
or apartment living.
or waking up at 3:50am.

It's all done.

I haven't really had a moment where I thought "Oh wow, I am going to miss all of this...."

But it will be bittersweet.
A farewell and good wishes to everyone I have met here at BYU my first year.

So as tribute to all the love in our apartment, we had our pictures taken, by none other than the wonderful Alissa.

Some will not be shown due to embarassing-ness or just plain awkward....

dude. I have never been able to take a jumping picture ever.... and I am pretty sure I beasted this one.

check out the booty on that blondie..... oh wait that's me.... ;)

This is one of my favorite people ever. I love her to death and am so grateful for her friendship!

This was the most painful picture ever!!! But oh so worth it.

I don't think I would be the person I am right now if it wasn't for these wonderful girls. I will miss them, but they have wonderful opportunities ahead of them.

PS don't forget I now have 11 days til I leave!!!!! AH!

One about them

This is Taylor Kathryn Byers

She is one of my roommates.  She has beautiful blonde hair and a style that cannot compare.  She has a HUGE heart and loves her family so much. Her beauty radiates from her entire being.  I love this girl and she is a strong example to me of what a caring and kind person should be.

This is Camille Williams

This girl is one of my roommates. Camille is the first person I met out of all my roommates and we weren't even roommates yet!! Her sense of adventure and fearlessness pushes me to go outside my comfort zone.  She listens and helps with situations that I don't even understand myself.  I love this girl and she is a strong example to me of what an strong and empathetic person should be.

This is Rachel Eggett

She is one of my roommates.  She is gorgeous.  I mean c'mon, look at that smile!!! Rachel is vibrant and colorful (personality-wise).  She laughs and loves. She sings loudly because she loves to (and she is really good).  Rachel is a shining example to me of what an optimistic person should be.

This is Kendra Smith.

Kendra is my room(room)mate. She is so SMART! She is ambitious and driven and desires a bright future.  She can dance like no one else. She laughs with such heart, that you can't help but laugh with her. Kendra gives with no second thought. She is brilliant and she is an example to me of a work hard and have fun ethical person should be.

This is Bronte Hopkins.

This is Bronte and she is one of my roommates. As you can tell, her fire red hair gives her so much beauty.  Bronte is a fighter.  She fights through the expectations and hard trials of her dance requirements and comes out on top because of her hard work and dedication.  She speaks wise words whenever we are at church.  Her comments bring deep insight and the spirit.  She is a true example of what a kind and dedicated person should be.

I love all these girls. Without them, I would not be the person I am right now.  We have gone through experiences with one another that have shaped us all.  I know that I was meant to be put with these women for a reason. They have been there for me when I needed it and I thank them in any way I can.

"Be an example of the believers, in every word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity."