I'm Back!

Ok so I have been gone for a bit, but now I am back with some new thoughts.

My brother got married this past weekend. (hip hip hooray!)

I am so happy for him and his future with Greta. Yup. Her name is Greta and she is GREAT. (hee. see what I did there?) Their wedding was simple and easy going, just like them! How convenient.

Well, being at a wedding, I couldn't help but to think about what my wedding would look like.
I mean there is a big list to go off of:

• colors
• which temple
• reception place
• time
• who to invite
• photos
• flowers
• license
• the dress
• what i want my hair to look like

But talking to my mom, these things mean nothing if I don't have a man. and well, I don't have one.

whoops.

Well, why don't I have a man? C'mon, Em, get your head in the game. All your friends are tying the knot. Let's get going here.

I would, if I could.


Here are some of my thoughts as of late.

I really want a man in my life and I feel as though I am ready for one. My dating life is pretty much nonexistent so I have no idea where to even begin. Is he in my ward? Have I already met him? Was he in Nauvoo? How do I find him?
POP!
Okay, I don't need to find him. He will find me, or at least the Lord will lead us to one another. But when? When will I know if it is him?
POP!
You don't need to know.
But still, c'mon! At least lemme have some dates. Why am I not having any dates?
POP!
Men like women who are confident and smart and beautiful and witty and kind and sweet. Well, I am all those things right?


The fact that that statement was a question is the answer to a lot of my issues.

When I get ready in the morning, sometimes I feel good, sometimes I feel like crap. Well that's normal. But if a guy were to come up to me and tell me that I looked pretty that day, especially if it was a day that I felt bad, I wouldn't believe him. Why?

Because I didn't believe it myself.

That is something that I have struggled with my entire life.

It was always about my looks and the way I appeared to others. And to be completely honest, it is still that way today. Somewhere in the back of my head, I think, I need to look good according to the world's standards.

Alright. I am almost 20 years old and I still have trouble with the way the world looks at me and how I look to the world.

What am I doing about it now?
Every morning, I kneel down and say my morning prayers, welcoming in the new day, praying for positive experiences and attitudes. During the day I tell myself that I love the way I look. I don't look down at my legs and feet when I walk, but I walk with my head squarely on my shoulders. I continue to think about the goals that I have made for that day, week, month, year, etc. It keeps me hopeful for the future and it reminds me that I am going somewhere. I eat healthy and try to exercise when I can. I close my day with a prayer of gratitude and thanksgiving for the day that I had, no matter how bad it may have felt, I still find things to be grateful for.

It is not easy. But I am taking it day by day and hoping and trusting that the Lord will take care of me and my future man. (he is out there. i know it.)

Coming to an End

So this is the official last week of school.... well finals week.
Then it's all done.
No more school.
or tests.
or apartment living.
or waking up at 3:50am.

It's all done.

I haven't really had a moment where I thought "Oh wow, I am going to miss all of this...."

But it will be bittersweet.
A farewell and good wishes to everyone I have met here at BYU my first year.

So as tribute to all the love in our apartment, we had our pictures taken, by none other than the wonderful Alissa.

Some will not be shown due to embarassing-ness or just plain awkward....

dude. I have never been able to take a jumping picture ever.... and I am pretty sure I beasted this one.

check out the booty on that blondie..... oh wait that's me.... ;)

This is one of my favorite people ever. I love her to death and am so grateful for her friendship!

This was the most painful picture ever!!! But oh so worth it.

I don't think I would be the person I am right now if it wasn't for these wonderful girls. I will miss them, but they have wonderful opportunities ahead of them.

PS don't forget I now have 11 days til I leave!!!!! AH!

Feel Good.

So if you know me, you know that I am the sweats, sweatshirt, chucks, and top knot sort of girl.

Every now and then I will pull an all natural hair day or maybe even straightening. But I ONLY curl my hair on special occasions.

Well, yesterday was a day to remember.

I went to work in my pj's (like always....) came home and decided to actually look decent.  I just wanted to feel good about myself. So, I pulled out a skirt from my summer clothes out of my bed, put on a cute cardigan and curled my hair. Not just little curls, but full RINGLETS.

Not trying to be narcissistic or anything, but I looked GOOD. Whew! HAWT! :)

And then to top it all off, one of the most attractive people in my ward passed me, twice, and smiled and said  Hi! It may be nothing big, but for someone who wants to feel good, that sure made me feel good.