Exemplify the Gift

day 11

"When He comes I so want to be caught living the gospel.  I want to be surprised right in the act of spreading the faith and doing something GOOD if I can.  I want the Savior to say to me, "Jeffrey," (because He knows all of our names), "I recognize you not by your title but by your life.  The way you're trying to live and the standards you're trying to defend.  I see the integrity of your heart.  I know you've tried to make things better, first and foremost by being better yourself, and then by declaring my word and defending my gospel to others in the most compassionate way you could.  I know you weren't always successful (He will certainly say) with all your own sins or with the circumstances of others but I believe you honestly tried.  I believe in your heart you truly love me."

Jeffrey R Holland

 

 

I think to myself, the Savior is watching us now, seeing how we treat people and act in hard circumstances. He knows the temptations we experience. He understands the feelings of inadequacies and failures.

 

He gets it.

He knows us.

 

So my testimony to you today, is about the power of following and exemplifying his example. He was perfect in every way and although we are all far from being perfect, we have all the abilities in the world to try to be more like Him, and be perfected through Him. I know that we can accept our inadequacies and be able to give them over to the Savior, He will take them and make them strengths.

 

Don't ever feel that you are not worthy of help or love because of your past. We all have a future that is as bright as we make it to be.

 

 

 

#sharethegift #sharegoodness

Friend.

I have been trying to think of how I want to approach this topic, as it is very emotional for me and hard to express in words.

But let me first ask this question:

What are valuable and necessary attributes for a friend?

Here is my answer:

• kind
• funny
• compassionate
• loyal
• a good hugger
• empathetic
• unconditional love

(pretty standard of everyone, I assume)

Now here is a new question, 

Are you the kind of friend who possesses these attributes? 

Here are a few words from Marvin J. Ashton,

"There seems to be a misunderstanding on the part of some men today as to what it means to be a friend. Acts of a friend should result in self-improvement, better attitudes, self-reliance, comfort, consolation, self-respect, and better welfare. Certainly the word friend is misused if it is identified with a person who contributes to our delinquency, misery, and heartaches. When we make a man feel he is wanted, his whole attitude changes. Our friendship will be recognizable if our actions and attitudes result in improvement and independence."

When I was in high school, I was never that person who could walk down the hall and every person knew who I was. I didn't value popularity or notoriety and I still don't.

I was the girl who would walk down the hall, see a random student crying in the hall, and go over to see if they were okay. I was the girl who had a handful of friends, all of which would hang out in the band room and eat lunch together. Every person who I had lunch with was someone I genuinely cared about. Many of them have taken their own path for their future and occasionally I will look them up on Facebook to make sure everything is going good. I was known as the sweet, sensitive, caring, compassionate friend who could make anyone laugh and feel better about life. 

When I first came to BYU, my freshman roommate was most definitely not that person who I thought I would become friends with. She was everything I wasn't, but 3 years later, I call her my best friend. 

She is honest, kind, compassionate, witty (literally makes me pee my pants laughing), and wonderful. She drops everything to come see me when I feel less than the dust of the Earth. She, as Elder Ashton stated, helps me improve myself. 

Now comes the hard part. 

2 weeks ago, I had a particularly hard experience occur that has changed my outlook on relationships and expectations. It has made me very emotional and exceptionally sensitive. My roommates noticed the difference and were trying their best to make it easier for me, whether it be the multiple offers of ice cream, or the late night talks that usually ended with me in tears, they tried.

And I have to give them credit for that. They tried. 

My attitude drastically changed and there was a person in my life who didn't know how to handle this change. I was moody and somber rather than peppy and outgoing. I stopped hanging out with some friends and this person asked me a question that I believe was completely inappropriate. 

"I think you have depression. Have you looked up any articles? You should probably go see someone about it. BYU has counselors, but you should call soon. They are booking up fast."

Let me be clear, I have experienced depression and I was not depressed. I do not say that this question was inappropriate because I think Depression is an insult. It is a real thing and I think more people should take it seriously (like this person).

It was inappropriate because this person told me that I needed help rather than helping me.

I needed love and time.

"No one can be a friend until he is known. A friend is a person who will really take the time not only to know us, but to be with us. One of the finest presents you can give anyone is your best self."- Marvin J Ashton

Under the circumstances, and with time, I have come to understand why this person reacted the way that they did. I have since talked with this person and shared with them my feelings and insecurities, and that I am working on improving myself. I recognized my faults and mistakes and my renewed commitment to be better. 

I was so ready to forgive and move on, only to discover that this person had talked about me to another friend, comparing the relationship we had with the relationship that this person had with the other friend. (the difference in length of the relationships is about 2 1/2 years)

This person shared with their friend the things that I had privately discussed. 

Then I was mockingly called a "Fair-Weather Friend".

My first instinct right now is to trash talk and let out all my anger on this individual. I am beyond upset and offended. 

But I am not going to because "it takes courage to be a real friend." And I don't believe trash talking this person is being a friend. 

If you don't know what a fair weather friend is, click here for an interesting article to understand what type of people they are.

For those who know me, I am so NOT that kind of person. 

I am saddened that this person feels that way about me because if they were to actually know me, they would see that I would rather help someone than tell them that they need help. I would drop everything to help them, spiritually, physically, and emotionally. 

"How can we help a friend? An Arabian proverb helps us answer: “A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one’s heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.” Yes, a friend is a person who is willing to take me the way I am but who is willing and able to leave me better than he found me."

Marvin J Ashton

I am far from the perfect friend, but I can promise that I am not the kind of person to drop someone when I think it is inconvenient to be their friend. 

I take this experience as constructive criticism. I will be a better friend. I'm sorry to this individual that you felt like I was only your friend in happy and convenient circumstances. I will always be your friend, no matter what. I am THAT kind of person. 

I hope and pray that you don't feel like "cutting your losses" at the end of the school year, because I will always consider you one of my favorite friends. 

Now for a cheesy Pinterest quote:

xoxo

Some Inspiration for the New Year!

When we make a focus to be better, to do better, to become better, we are blessed with better experiences, friends, memories in the future. 

I was talking to my mom a little while back about how we are always worried about the past or the future and we find it hard to actually "live in the moment".  She told me something interesting about the future....

She said, "The future doesn't actually belong to us because it is based off of decisions that we are making RIGHT NOW."

We can't concern ourselves with the future, when there is no certainty in it. The only certainty we have is right now.

I have faith and hope for a future that is full of blessings and good things, but I also have to remind myself that I cannot expect things to ALWAYS happen the way that I want them to. 

This quote was posted on Facebook by a friend and I thought it to be absolutely brilliant.

“Maybe this year, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives not looking for flaws, but looking for potential.” 

My biggest goal is to look for ways to improve myself each day from the previous day. I find one thing that I didn't like and I make a change. 

I be better. I do better. I try.

Try

Everyday we are faced with challenges that help us become the people that we need/want to be. Some are not easy and some make us realize the purpose of this mortal life.

Last night my roommates boyfriend told me that I was rude.
Now it was a little harsh and I didn't know how to respond to the situation. I mean, no one wants to be told that they are rude. But I realized a lot about myself last night.

1. I love to be sarcastic. (Most people can tell that it is all jokes)
2. I get super defensive when I have been called on the carpet.
3. I want to get along with everyone. (I really hate contention)
4. You have to give people the benefit of the doubt when they are trying to improve.
5. We all are trying to be better each day.

Try a little harder to be a little better.

I told my roommate that I am trying to be better. I said I'm sorry for all the times that I might have been rude, but I am still trying.

I will say that I know sarcasm can be rude, and a lot of people get easily offended by it, but I also believe that if you know me, you know that that is just a part of who I am. You can be sarcastic without tearing other people down and belittling them.

"The Apostle Paul taught similar principles to the Ephesians: “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers” (Ephesians 4:29). According to this scripture, all our communication should uplift others and strengthen them in the Lord." Gordon B. Hinckley

Laughter cures the wounded spirit. But if it is at the expense of another person, then it should be reconsidered.

I am trying to be better. Each and every day. I need to give the benefit of the doubt to those who I encounter and pray that they would display that same courtesy.

Be Better

I had a friend in high school that always told me I took things too seriously.  I never understood certain jokes or sarcasm.  Sometimes I feel like Sheldon on the Big Bang Theory..... 

I can take things personally and get offended easily. It isn't good and I know I need to do better.  But I love this quote because it isn't about the person or the things that transpired, but it's about the take-away- the things I learn.

Lately, I have been always on the phone with my mom telling her about everything that is happening to me including all the drama that I create for myself.  It is hard for my mom to always hear about the bad things.  I don't want that sort if relationship with my mom.  

On Sunday, she told me that most of the stuff I wanted advice for were things I already knew.  These experiences teach me everything I need to know.  I just need to remember them.

So my goal is to write down the things I learn.  

Especially with my mission to Nauvoo, I need to remember how to be better and how to be teachable in circumstances that may seem so out of control and hurtful.

I love learning new things and I really want to be better.