But let me first ask this question:
What are valuable and necessary attributes for a friend?
Here is my answer:
- kind
- funny
- compassionate
- loyal
- a good hugger
- empathetic
- unconditional love
(pretty standard of everyone, I assume)
Are you the kind of friend who possesses these attributes?
Here are a few words from Marvin J. Ashton,
"There seems to be a misunderstanding on the part of some men today as to what it means to be a friend. Acts of a friend should result in self-improvement, better attitudes, self-reliance, comfort, consolation, self-respect, and better welfare. Certainly the word friend is misused if it is identified with a person who contributes to our delinquency, misery, and heartaches. When we make a man feel he is wanted, his whole attitude changes. Our friendship will be recognizable if our actions and attitudes result in improvement and independence."
When I was in high school, I was never that person who could walk down the hall and every person knew who I was. I didn't value popularity or notoriety and I still don't.
I was the girl who would walk down the hall, see a random student crying in the hall, and go over to see if they were okay. I was the girl who had a handful of friends, all of which would hang out in the band room and eat lunch together. Every person who I had lunch with was someone I genuinely cared about. Many of them have taken their own path for their future and occasionally I will look them up on Facebook to make sure everything is going good. I was known as the sweet, sensitive, caring, compassionate friend who could make anyone laugh and feel better about life.
When I first came to BYU, my freshman roommate was most definitely not that person who I thought I would become friends with. She was everything I wasn't, but 3 years later, I call her my best friend.
She is honest, kind, compassionate, witty (literally makes me pee my pants laughing), and wonderful. She drops everything to come see me when I feel less than the dust of the Earth. She, as Elder Ashton stated, helps me improve myself.
Now comes the hard part.
2 weeks ago, I had a particularly hard experience occur that has changed my outlook on relationships and expectations. It has made me very emotional and exceptionally sensitive. My roommates noticed the difference and were trying their best to make it easier for me, whether it be the multiple offers of ice cream, or the late night talks that usually ended with me in tears, they tried.
And I have to give them credit for that. They tried.
My attitude drastically changed and there was a person in my life who didn't know how to handle this change. I was moody and somber rather than peppy and outgoing. I stopped hanging out with some friends and this person asked me a question that I believe was completely inappropriate.
"I think you have depression. Have you looked up any articles? You should probably go see someone about it. BYU has counselors, but you should call soon. They are booking up fast."
Let me be clear, I have experienced depression and I was not depressed. I do not say that this question was inappropriate because I think Depression is an insult. It is a real thing and I think more people should take it seriously (like this person).
It was inappropriate because this person told me that I needed help rather than helping me.
I needed love and time.
"No one can be a friend until he is known. A friend is a person who will really take the time not only to know us, but to be with us. One of the finest presents you can give anyone is your best self."- Marvin J Ashton
Under the circumstances, and with time, I have come to understand why this person reacted the way that they did. I have since talked with this person and shared with them my feelings and insecurities, and that I am working on improving myself. I recognized my faults and mistakes and my renewed commitment to be better.
I was so ready to forgive and move on, only to discover that this person had talked about me to another friend, comparing the relationship we had with the relationship that this person had with the other friend. (the difference in length of the relationships is about 2 1/2 years)
This person shared with their friend the things that I had privately discussed.
Then I was mockingly called a "Fair-Weather Friend".
My first instinct right now is to trash talk and let out all my anger on this individual. I am beyond upset and offended.
But I am not going to because "it takes courage to be a real friend." And I don't believe trash talking this person is being a friend.
If you don't know what a fair weather friend is, click here for an interesting article to understand what type of people they are.
For those who know me, I am so NOT that kind of person.
I am saddened that this person feels that way about me because if they were to actually know me, they would see that I would rather help someone than tell them that they need help. I would drop everything to help them, spiritually, physically, and emotionally.
"How can we help a friend? An Arabian proverb helps us answer: “A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one’s heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.” Yes, a friend is a person who is willing to take me the way I am but who is willing and able to leave me better than he found me."
Marvin J Ashton
I am far from the perfect friend, but I can promise that I am not the kind of person to drop someone when I think it is inconvenient to be their friend.
I take this experience as constructive criticism. I will be a better friend. I'm sorry to this individual that you felt like I was only your friend in happy and convenient circumstances. I will always be your friend, no matter what. I am THAT kind of person.
I hope and pray that you don't feel like "cutting your losses" at the end of the school year, because I will always consider you one of my favorite friends.
Now for a cheesy Pinterest quote:
xoxo
