Instantaneous results

Did you know that instant results are not possible?

Instant Breakfast still takes time to cook in the microwave.
Instant results on Google still take time to sort through and click on links.
Instant rewards require some sort of information to be given, or action to take before the reward is given.


As of recent, I have discovered how nothing in my life is instant, nothing can happen with the wiggle of my nose or the snap of my fingers. I have to work and try and push through to receive the results I desire.

Because of a recent experience I had, I am reminded of something I learned about in regards to instant forgiveness.

“Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. It is rediscovering the strengths we always had and relocating our limitless capacity to understand and accept other people and ourselves.” 

Most of us need time to work through pain and loss. We can find all manner of reasons for postponing forgiveness. One of these reasons is waiting for the wrongdoers to repent before we forgive them. Yet such a delay causes us to forfeit the peace and happiness that could be ours. The folly of rehashing long-past hurts does not bring happiness."

James E. Faust

But during this past General Conference, Elder Klebingat said something that I believe is the key to healthy and long lasting relationships.

"Become really, really good at repenting thoroughly and quickly. Because the Atonement of Jesus Christ is very practical, you should apply it generously 24/7, for it never runs out. Embrace the Atonement of Jesus Christ and repentance as things that are to be welcomed and applied daily according to the Great Physician’s orders. Establish an attitude of ongoing, happy, joyful repentance by making it your lifestyle of choice. In doing so, beware of the temptation to procrastinate, and don’t expect the world to cheer you on. Keeping your eyes on the Savior, care more about what He thinks of you, and let the consequences follow. Spiritual confidence increases when you voluntarily and joyfully repent of sins, both small and great, in real time by applying the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

Become really, really good at forgiving. “I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men” (D&C 64:10). Forgive everyone, everything, all the time, or at least strive to do so, thus allowing forgiveness into your own life. Don’t hold grudges, don’t be easily offended, forgive and forget quickly, and don’t ever think that you are exempt from this commandment. Spiritual confidence increases when you know that the Lord knows that you bear no ill feelings toward another soul."

When we can apply these two principles in our life, we will see our relationships with others grow and progress in a direction that will benefit both parties. 

So let me ask this question:

Is repentance instantaneous?
Is forgiveness instantaneous?

The answer is:

Only if we make is so. The longer we dwell on things of the past and mistakes, whether they are our own or others', the longer is will take for us to get over it.


Let us apply these principles to our lives and I can promise that we will get through it all ok with better relationships with others, ourselves, and our Heavenly Father. 

Friend.

I have been trying to think of how I want to approach this topic, as it is very emotional for me and hard to express in words.

But let me first ask this question:

What are valuable and necessary attributes for a friend?

Here is my answer:

• kind
• funny
• compassionate
• loyal
• a good hugger
• empathetic
• unconditional love

(pretty standard of everyone, I assume)

Now here is a new question, 

Are you the kind of friend who possesses these attributes? 

Here are a few words from Marvin J. Ashton,

"There seems to be a misunderstanding on the part of some men today as to what it means to be a friend. Acts of a friend should result in self-improvement, better attitudes, self-reliance, comfort, consolation, self-respect, and better welfare. Certainly the word friend is misused if it is identified with a person who contributes to our delinquency, misery, and heartaches. When we make a man feel he is wanted, his whole attitude changes. Our friendship will be recognizable if our actions and attitudes result in improvement and independence."

When I was in high school, I was never that person who could walk down the hall and every person knew who I was. I didn't value popularity or notoriety and I still don't.

I was the girl who would walk down the hall, see a random student crying in the hall, and go over to see if they were okay. I was the girl who had a handful of friends, all of which would hang out in the band room and eat lunch together. Every person who I had lunch with was someone I genuinely cared about. Many of them have taken their own path for their future and occasionally I will look them up on Facebook to make sure everything is going good. I was known as the sweet, sensitive, caring, compassionate friend who could make anyone laugh and feel better about life. 

When I first came to BYU, my freshman roommate was most definitely not that person who I thought I would become friends with. She was everything I wasn't, but 3 years later, I call her my best friend. 

She is honest, kind, compassionate, witty (literally makes me pee my pants laughing), and wonderful. She drops everything to come see me when I feel less than the dust of the Earth. She, as Elder Ashton stated, helps me improve myself. 

Now comes the hard part. 

2 weeks ago, I had a particularly hard experience occur that has changed my outlook on relationships and expectations. It has made me very emotional and exceptionally sensitive. My roommates noticed the difference and were trying their best to make it easier for me, whether it be the multiple offers of ice cream, or the late night talks that usually ended with me in tears, they tried.

And I have to give them credit for that. They tried. 

My attitude drastically changed and there was a person in my life who didn't know how to handle this change. I was moody and somber rather than peppy and outgoing. I stopped hanging out with some friends and this person asked me a question that I believe was completely inappropriate. 

"I think you have depression. Have you looked up any articles? You should probably go see someone about it. BYU has counselors, but you should call soon. They are booking up fast."

Let me be clear, I have experienced depression and I was not depressed. I do not say that this question was inappropriate because I think Depression is an insult. It is a real thing and I think more people should take it seriously (like this person).

It was inappropriate because this person told me that I needed help rather than helping me.

I needed love and time.

"No one can be a friend until he is known. A friend is a person who will really take the time not only to know us, but to be with us. One of the finest presents you can give anyone is your best self."- Marvin J Ashton

Under the circumstances, and with time, I have come to understand why this person reacted the way that they did. I have since talked with this person and shared with them my feelings and insecurities, and that I am working on improving myself. I recognized my faults and mistakes and my renewed commitment to be better. 

I was so ready to forgive and move on, only to discover that this person had talked about me to another friend, comparing the relationship we had with the relationship that this person had with the other friend. (the difference in length of the relationships is about 2 1/2 years)

This person shared with their friend the things that I had privately discussed. 

Then I was mockingly called a "Fair-Weather Friend".

My first instinct right now is to trash talk and let out all my anger on this individual. I am beyond upset and offended. 

But I am not going to because "it takes courage to be a real friend." And I don't believe trash talking this person is being a friend. 

If you don't know what a fair weather friend is, click here for an interesting article to understand what type of people they are.

For those who know me, I am so NOT that kind of person. 

I am saddened that this person feels that way about me because if they were to actually know me, they would see that I would rather help someone than tell them that they need help. I would drop everything to help them, spiritually, physically, and emotionally. 

"How can we help a friend? An Arabian proverb helps us answer: “A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one’s heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.” Yes, a friend is a person who is willing to take me the way I am but who is willing and able to leave me better than he found me."

Marvin J Ashton

I am far from the perfect friend, but I can promise that I am not the kind of person to drop someone when I think it is inconvenient to be their friend. 

I take this experience as constructive criticism. I will be a better friend. I'm sorry to this individual that you felt like I was only your friend in happy and convenient circumstances. I will always be your friend, no matter what. I am THAT kind of person. 

I hope and pray that you don't feel like "cutting your losses" at the end of the school year, because I will always consider you one of my favorite friends. 

Now for a cheesy Pinterest quote:

xoxo

Something that should have happened a LONG time ago.

We always have that feeling- that deep pang of regret.
It always finds us. We can't run away from it.
Wanna know why?
Because we all want to be good people, better people, people who can say that they learned something and that they overcame their difficulties.

I hate regret.
I tell myself that I am not going to regret doing something, that I am going to follow through til the end. Well, here is something I should have done a long time ago.
I told myself that I would always feel a certain way, no regret.
Well, I am sitting on my couch, watching old Grey's Anatomy episodes, regretting.

To a friend that I still really love and miss a lot:
No one tells you what to say or how to act when something bad happens. You get to be in charge of your own actions. Unfair? No. Smart? Ehh.... Right? Yes.
Here is something about me you should know (well, if you really know me, then you already know this, but I will tell you anyway....):
I am a "knee jerker". An emotional reactant. Someone who has not learned the art of thinking before speaking, or in a particular case, typing. It all just comes out without any control and I HATE it.
You have no freaking idea how much I LOATHE how I react without taking any regard to the people around me and how they might be feeling. I try. Please believe me when I say that I try to not do it.
I remembered every feeling that night.

• Anger
• Passion
• Loneliness
• Hate
• Sorrow
• Confusion
• More Anger
• More Hate
• Scared
• REALLY Scared
• Pain
• Aching in every inch of my body- I couldn't even sleep that night.
• Anger
• Pride
• Emptiness

All in one night. And it didn't stop.
It continued every night.

And then I made it right. And for a moment, there was HOPE. Because someone who I thought would never forgive me, did.
My friend, I was forgiven, but still hurt by you.
I got your text and thought to myself, "Really? This is all I get? Gosh, this person really never cared about me...."
That is what I thought. And I am sitting on my couch, hating myself for not calling you the moment I got your text and telling you how sorry I was.
I am hating myself you letting you leave on your mission without telling you my favorite mission scripture. I regret not going to the temple with you before you went into the MTC. That was something I wanted to do REALLY bad.
You meant a lot to me, and you always will.
I am sorry, my friend, for allowing regret to happen. I am sorry for holding grudges and feeling prideful when all I wanted was to be loved by you as a friend, a close friend.
There is so much more I would want to talk to you about, but for right now, please know that I am sorry.
I am letting go of so much that has been inside of me.
The Savior wants to forgive.
I was forgiven of things by someone who I can call a best friend now. I felt undeserving of their love, and eternally grateful for their forgiveness.
So my friend, I speak directly to you,
I forgive you.
-EmJay

Thoughts from this past General Conference/ Women's Conference

It is amazing to me to think that my spirit does not belong to this mortal world. Instead, it belongs to a Eternal being, preparing me to rule my own world one day.

He is our Father in Heaven. He wants us to depend on Him as we do our own mortal fathers. As we seek advice from the men who raised us, we should also be seeking His advice. And to those who have grown up with an absent father, I testify to you right now that HE is there. HE is ready for you to come to HIM. HE loves you more than you could ever imagine.

Has there ever been a time when you had no idea how things were going to turn out? You didn't know where the heck you were going in life?
I have.
I am feeling it right now.
But it is comforting for me to realize and understand that He knows everything. Unlimited knowledge. And He asks of me to be obedient and He will guide me along.
Why would I ever doubt that He would direct my paths if He knows EVERYTHING?
I don't know, but I know that when we are obedient, we are BLESSED beyond compare.

No Matter What.

Those are the words that keep me saying "Thank You" for everything that I have.

When you hurt, it is so easy to hurt others. 

Why?

You don't want to be the only one hurting. 

But here is a secret: Everyone is hurting in their own way. Never hurt someone more than they already hurt just because you are feeling wounded.

Forgive and Forget.

When we have a strong and personal testimony of the Atonement, we are less inclined to do wrong.

Why?

I believe that when we are true to the Savior and knowledgeable about what He has done for us, how much he suffered, we are more aware of the decisions we make. Every time we sin, He hurts. The thing is, is that He already suffered for us, but it doesn't mean we can sin all the time and get forgiveness tomorrow. We have the gift of agency. We choose our destiny. When we can understand that the Savior loves us so much that He suffered for us, our desire to do wrong decreases. I truly believe that to be true. 

Be worthy.

Be willing.

Be desirous.

And He will take care of you.

Have you ever had a friend that always seems like the happiest person in the entire world? Like they have no problems and everything is perfect for them?
I have.
Sometimes I have been accused of being that person.
But do you remember that happiness is a choice?
Even when it feels like your world is falling apart in front of your eyes, there is light. It is the Savior. He brings hope and love. When you can accept Him and his love and hope, it doesn't matter how disastrous the situation may be, He takes care of you and you can't help but feel HAPPY.
I know with every fiber of my being that He cares. And He can make you more happy than you ever though imaginable.

My last and one of my favorites.
Be you in every situation. Don't let Satan tear you away from who you truly are.
Even when you are the happiest person in the world, depend on the Lord as if you are in the darkest of times. He can keep your spirits high and happy.



#ldsconf

Heal

Bishop Merrill J. Bateman gave a talk entitled "The Power to Heal from Within"

The talk refers to an experience involving death and how it is a distinct and important part of our mortal life. He shares a story of a family friend who passed away in a car accident and how the family was able to cope with the loss of their son because of the Savior.

“Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: … And with his stripes we are healed”

Now, my circumstance is not as severe as death. But it is still important. Because my wounds can be healed because of the Savior, no matter how small they may seem to be.


A while ago, I hurt someone I loved. Almost immediately, I began feel all the hurt that I caused this person. I prayed for the Savior to heal the wounds that I inflicted on them. The pain so much that I couldn't bear it on my own. I gave it all over to the Savior.

These past few days, I have had more interaction with this person. This person showed me love that I didn't think I deserved. And I still don't believe I deserve it.

I'm healing too.

I don't know if I can fully appreciate all the love this person has given me until I have forgiven myself and heal with the help of my Savior.

"Whatever the source of pain, Jesus understands and can heal the spirit..."

"The Savior, as a member of the Godhead, knows each of us personally. Isaiah and the prophet Abinadi said that when Christ would “make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see his seed”. Abinadi explains that “his seed” are the righteous, those who follow the prophets. In the garden and on the cross, Jesus saw each of us and not only bore our sins, but also experienced our deepest feelings so that he would know how to comfort and strengthen us."

"The Savior’s atonement in the garden and on the cross is intimate as well as infinite. Infinite in that it spans the eternities. Intimate in that the Savior felt each person’s pains, sufferings, and sicknesses. Consequently, he knows how to carry our sorrows and relieve our burdens that we might be healed from within, made whole persons, and receive everlasting joy in his kingdom. May our faith in the Father and the Son help each of us to become whole."

Forgiveness

I swear it wasn't my fault. But yet all the fingers point at me.
I feel like every mistake, every wrongdoing is falling back into my life yelling, no, screaming at me to remember.
Remember when you weren't so perfect.
Remember when you made so many mistakes you couldn't even feel happiness.
Remember when you pretended and faked.
Remember when you lied and cheated.
You're not so great, Emily.
You're really not.

I blame myself. Even if others are pointing their fingers, I am the one that is blaming.

I then am brought to my knees.
I am so low. So humbled.
I stain my sheets with tears and finish a box of tissues.
I don't know if forgiveness is even as option.
But then I get the most amazing feeling that says to me ever so softly,

"My dear one, forgiveness is ALWAYS an option. Never forget that I have suffered for your mistakes and that you can be made whole again through me. Remember ME. Not your wrongdoings."

  President Gordon B. Hinckley said, "To forgive is a divine attribute. It is to pardon or excuse someone from blame for an offense or misdeed. Sin is a heavy burden. It brings the tenseness of guilt and the anguish of knowing that we have acted against the will of our Father in Heaven. It brings lingering remorse as we realize that because of our actions, we may have hurt others and prevented ourselves from receiving blessings our Father has been ready to give us."

There is hope in the Savior, Jesus Christ. Whenever you feel as though all is lost, remember HIM.

His sacrifice made all the difference. I know that because of His sacrifice, I can be made clean and pure in the eyes of my Heavenly Father once more.

And right now, that's all that matters to me.

click here to know more about the blessing of forgiveness,