"I didn't plan to do this..."

In my Music 202 class today my professor shared a poem that he openly admitted to being emotionally attached to it. He began to read and within a few short stanzas, he started to cry. He said, "I didn't plan to do this...."
The class was silent.
But a good silence.
A respectful silence filled with curiosity and caution.
I stopped writing my notes and watched as he wiped his tears from behind his glasses and continued to read. His voice shook and wavered, filled with immense emotion.
I listened and read along with him and felt it.
I felt what he was feeling.
My heart yearned and my body wrenched as I began to comprehend what the poem was really saying.
Read, and listen to the words.


We Are Seven

BY WILLIAM WORDSWORTH

———A simple Child,
That lightly draws its breath,
And feels its life in every limb,
What should it know of death?

I met a little cottage Girl:
She was eight years old, she said;
Her hair was thick with many a curl
That clustered round her head.

She had a rustic, woodland air,
And she was wildly clad:
Her eyes were fair, and very fair;
—Her beauty made me glad.

“Sisters and brothers, little Maid,
How many may you be?”
“How many? Seven in all,” she said,
And wondering looked at me.

“And where are they? I pray you tell.”
She answered, “Seven are we;
And two of us at Conway dwell,
And two are gone to sea.

“Two of us in the church-yard lie,
My sister and my brother;
And, in the church-yard cottage, I
Dwell near them with my mother.”

“You say that two at Conway dwell,
And two are gone to sea,
Yet ye are seven! I pray you tell,
Sweet Maid, how this may be.”

Then did the little Maid reply,
“Seven boys and girls are we;
Two of us in the church-yard lie,
Beneath the church-yard tree.”

“You run about, my little Maid,
Your limbs they are alive;
If two are in the church-yard laid,
Then ye are only five.”

“Their graves are green, they may be seen,”
The little Maid replied,
“Twelve steps or more from my mother’s door,
And they are side by side.

“My stockings there I often knit,
My kerchief there I hem;
And there upon the ground I sit,
And sing a song to them.

“And often after sun-set, Sir,
When it is light and fair,
I take my little porringer,
And eat my supper there.

“The first that dies was sister Jane;
In bed she moaning lay,
Till God released her of her pain;
And then she went away.

“So in the church-yard she was laid;
And, when the grass was dry,
Together round her grave we played,
My brother John and I.

“And when the ground was white with snow,
And I could run and slide,
My brother John was forced to go,
And he lies by her side.”

“How many are you, then,” said I,
“If they two are in heaven?”
Quick was the little Maid’s reply,
“O Master! we are seven.”

“But they are dead; those two are dead!
Their spirits are in heaven!”
’Twas throwing words away; for still
The little Maid would have her will,
And said, “Nay, we are seven!”


Death does not separate us.
My belief is that families can be together forever, when sealed with the walls of the Lord's temple. I know that I can be with my family, my future husband, and my future children, for time and all eternity.
We are seven. And always will be.

Moment of the Day

So I decided to wear a skirt today.
For many different reasons.
1. I want to look cute.
2. My roommate let me borrow her boots that go with my skirt.
3. I hate pants.
4. I may or may not be able to fit into my favorite pair of pants at the moment.

I was feeling on top of the world today. I went grocery shopping with my sister and had so much fun.
Just a great day. :)

But tonight is a night to remember.
I got home from grocery shopping and was getting out of my skirt when my roommate said that some boy was at the door for me.
I went to the door in my leggings and socks and there he was.
Aaron.
What a stud.
He asked me out for tomorrow night and I said yes.
Then the real action the real action happened after he left.

I was so happy that I was dancing and jumping and kicking with so much energy. I even tried to jump off of the wall, and fallen flat on my buttox. It hurt tremendously. 2 of my roommates watched all this happen. And we were all on the ground laughing hysterically as I crawled back to my room.
Then I wanted to call someone to tell them that this guy, who I really like, asked me out.
My friend Miranda is the reason why I met him, so I called her.
Here is the conversation:
Me: I just got asked out. Guess who???
Miranda: Who?
Me: Guess.
Miranda: I don't want to guess. Just tell me.
Me: Well, you know him.
Miranda: Hold on just a sec.
*Begins speaking to someone else*
Miranda: Did you?...... You did?
*Back to me*
Miranda: Aaron
Me: *Silence* He is there?!?!?!?! I have to go now. Bye.
hang up

How embarrassing.

My children will revel in their mother's embarrassing stories.
And I will wear them proudly.

But ya, I will never forget tonight. :)

Day 25

Today I had the incredible opportunity to go to the Carl Bloch art exhibit in the Museum of Art here at BYU.

I read on his biography that he believed his strongest work was his religious artwork.  I would have to agree with all my heart.

It was a sort of self reflecting as I looked upon my Savior who was portrayed in many different ways. I pondered on how my Savior has influenced my life and all I can feel is gratitude for all He has done for me.

Day 19 & 20

I am so grateful for the opportunity to be a part of the BYU Lu'au. I met the most amazing people and learned so much about culture and myself.

I am grateful that my family and friends supported me and came to see me.

I am grateful that I was able to showcase a culture that is so amazing! Maori forever!

Day 9

Today I am grateful for trying new things.

I posted a while ago about signing up to dance in the BYU Lu'au.
Well, it's been going super good! Not always easy, I can say that for sure, but I can say wholeheartedly that it is all worth it.
Today, in rehearsal, we did a full run through of all the different polynesian sections.
Everything looks so good. I surprise myself  sometimes, by the things that I tell myself I can do.

To be able to say that I am a dancer in the BYU Lu'au is a really big honor and privilege.

If you want to come see it,

November 19&20
7:30pm
Tickets available at the Wilk Info Desk
$5 for students w/ ID
$7 General
$10 Priority Seating

Food available in the Garden Court from 5:30-7:30pm

Day 7

Today I am grateful for Brigham Young University.

My classes.
My teachers.
The Honor Code.
The clubs.
The faculty.
All the free stuff.
The environment.
The strong testimony of the school.
Being around people who believe the same that I do.

I really couldn't imagine a better place to go to school.

I am surrounded by some of the most brilliant, beautiful, smart, funny people in the entire world.

Food, Sports, and Love

When you ask someone what their favorite food is, what is the typical response? 

- chinese

- pizza

- mac and cheese

well, I was to be asked at this very moment my favorite food, it would have the be the sweet potato fries and fry sauce at Gurus. 

it's like eating strips of glorious happiness dipped in the heavenly balm of awesomeness.

that made no sense, but just trust me, I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!

On Friday, I took my sister to lunch and we went to Gurus. She had talked about how her and Sean love their sweet potato fries more than anything else. So what do I order? Sweet Potato Fries. plus our meals, but mostly I was there for the fries. 

conclusion: Best 2.99 I have ever spent.

But this whole week hasn't been the best eating wise. I bought a box of easy mac packets and have been eating those all week. Then Gurus, then I had some banana bread that my friend made.... like a lot of it. And then IHOP at 12am..... super healthy. no regrets.

My friends who made me banana bread invited me to go to the homecoming football game with them tonight and I wanted to, but I didn't have a pass. But my friend who went with me to IHOP at 12 am gave me hers and so I went and it was some of the most fun that I have had in a long time. I LOVE FOOTBALL! And BYU. :) 

I was raised by my dad, who loves sports to an extent that I don't think I will ever fully comprehend. He knows so much and has this intuition about certain players and techniques. I watched sports with him and I struggled to understand football at first. Basketball was my first love, then Baseball, and now Football. I remember texting my dad about the LA Dodgers and talking about real sports stuff. It helped me really connect with my dad and that is something that I will ALWAYS love about our relationship. 

The game was really good tonight. Taysom Hill didn't do too bad and our defense was working super hard.  There were some crazy good plays and then some stupid calls, but I loved being there, shouting for my cougs and most of all, being there with a really good friend.

Our friendship has blossomed so much and I love Allie a lot. She is so down to Earth and I feel like I can truly relate to her on so many levels. I appreciate her and all she is.

Some of my other relationships have not been going so hot though.....

Boys. 

they should have their own universe and communicate in their own language. 

seriously.

I just don't get it. 

I took this boy to General Conference and I was interested to an extent, but I didn't know him all that well. So I asked him to come so I could get to know him better. To my dismay, the conversation was not there between us and he seemed to not even be interested in talking to me at all. 

I was really frustrated because he was very enthusiastic to talk to my friend's brother who I invited to come too. I felt like I wasn't even there to him. 

I felt really sad and mad that it didn't turn out the way I wanted it to, but that is my fault. 

He wasn't the nice guy to me that I thought he was or that he would be.

But here's the hardest part of all. 

My friend Allie and her roommate Peri are my best buds here in the ward. They are my go to girls and I like 'em, a lot.  Well, one day we were planning a hangout session at Dairy Queen and I go to my apt to get my shoes. While I am gone, this guy comes to their apt to ask Peri out. 

For some odd reason, it bugged me a lot. And then he invited her to go to the Football game with him. I felt bad because I wanted to hang out with Peri, but I couldn't bring myself to be around this guy. 

It isn't that big of a deal, but for some reason it is really getting to me and I don't like it. 

This quote given by Thomas S. Monson during the Relief Society session has really lifted my spirits about this sort of thing.

this has really comforted me because whenever I think about this guy and how bad I felt when being around him, I remember that there was someone with me that was still loving me and supporting me.  He will be forever and that it really nice to think about.

Late Nights

So every night for the past 3 days I haven't gotten to bed til about 10:30pm.

Now you might think to yourself, "um, that's not late at all!"

But it's not my bedtime that has been the issue, but instead the time when my phone decides to wake me up in the morning.

3:58 am






I have had this job for a while now and it isn't bad, in fact I get paid more than typical salary. I don't have to worry about work during the day and can focus the rest of the day on my studies..... if I can focus.

You see, when you only get 6 hours of sleep a night, it wears on you..... well, at least it wears on me.

But I like it. I have fun. And my coworker is so funny! And she just got engaged. (s/o to elizabeth and james)


Next semester will bring on a whole new variety of jobs and prospects and maybe I will be led to one that I need to do. who knows?



i mean, I might end up working custodial for my entire college career.

I'm Back!

Ok so I have been gone for a bit, but now I am back with some new thoughts.

My brother got married this past weekend. (hip hip hooray!)

I am so happy for him and his future with Greta. Yup. Her name is Greta and she is GREAT. (hee. see what I did there?) Their wedding was simple and easy going, just like them! How convenient.

Well, being at a wedding, I couldn't help but to think about what my wedding would look like.
I mean there is a big list to go off of:

• colors
• which temple
• reception place
• time
• who to invite
• photos
• flowers
• license
• the dress
• what i want my hair to look like

But talking to my mom, these things mean nothing if I don't have a man. and well, I don't have one.

whoops.

Well, why don't I have a man? C'mon, Em, get your head in the game. All your friends are tying the knot. Let's get going here.

I would, if I could.


Here are some of my thoughts as of late.

I really want a man in my life and I feel as though I am ready for one. My dating life is pretty much nonexistent so I have no idea where to even begin. Is he in my ward? Have I already met him? Was he in Nauvoo? How do I find him?
POP!
Okay, I don't need to find him. He will find me, or at least the Lord will lead us to one another. But when? When will I know if it is him?
POP!
You don't need to know.
But still, c'mon! At least lemme have some dates. Why am I not having any dates?
POP!
Men like women who are confident and smart and beautiful and witty and kind and sweet. Well, I am all those things right?


The fact that that statement was a question is the answer to a lot of my issues.

When I get ready in the morning, sometimes I feel good, sometimes I feel like crap. Well that's normal. But if a guy were to come up to me and tell me that I looked pretty that day, especially if it was a day that I felt bad, I wouldn't believe him. Why?

Because I didn't believe it myself.

That is something that I have struggled with my entire life.

It was always about my looks and the way I appeared to others. And to be completely honest, it is still that way today. Somewhere in the back of my head, I think, I need to look good according to the world's standards.

Alright. I am almost 20 years old and I still have trouble with the way the world looks at me and how I look to the world.

What am I doing about it now?
Every morning, I kneel down and say my morning prayers, welcoming in the new day, praying for positive experiences and attitudes. During the day I tell myself that I love the way I look. I don't look down at my legs and feet when I walk, but I walk with my head squarely on my shoulders. I continue to think about the goals that I have made for that day, week, month, year, etc. It keeps me hopeful for the future and it reminds me that I am going somewhere. I eat healthy and try to exercise when I can. I close my day with a prayer of gratitude and thanksgiving for the day that I had, no matter how bad it may have felt, I still find things to be grateful for.

It is not easy. But I am taking it day by day and hoping and trusting that the Lord will take care of me and my future man. (he is out there. i know it.)

I didn't actually need the batteries...

So I had an amazing experience today.
The sort of experience you read about in books or hear a general authority tell.
and I can call it my experience.

So here is how it starts.



My statistics class requires an iclicker for all the in class quizzes and such. I already had one, but I had to register it again online. When I got home, I saw that it was out of batteries. "Flip!" Now I had to remember to buy some Double A batteries after my D&C class the next day (which is quite difficult.... so many things to remember....).

So I go to class and when I leave, I make sure I leave through the other exit so I can head towards the Bookstore. I am just walking, minding my own business while trying to navigate the overpacked hallway, when I hear someone say "Emily?" I turn to see my friend who I haven't seen in a year. It feels weird to say that, but really I think it has been a year since I have seen her face to face.....

Anyway, we step off to the side to avoid the massive migration of people. We hug, we laugh, and we just talk. It was so wonderful. She started asking me a lot about Nauvoo. It made me so happy to talk about it. None of my roommates ask me about it so I never really get to talk about it and in a way, relive the experiences I had.

While I was describing to her all the things I did, I recalled a moment when I was watching the Stage Missionaries perform and I thought of my friend. I remember thinking that it would so cool if she came and did this the next summer. So I told her of my memory. When I said it, she was very excited and happy and she wanted to know more. So we meandered over to the bookstore continuing catching up and stuff.

We stood in line to buy the batteries..... let me just comment on the RIDICULOUS pricing BYU has. 5 dollars for a package of 4 batteries. Wow, just wow! Anyway..... After I bought them, we found some seats and sat down and just talked. We talked about missionaries, old roommates, friends, boys, majors, future plans, etc. Ya know, everything girls talk about. :)

Well, when we talked about future plans, she mentioned her consideration of performing in Disney World or Sea World, but she hadn't really decided. I told her the url address to find the audition information for Nauvoo and said that auditions are due sometime in November.... I kept telling her that her future was up to her. And I shared with her something that I learned while in Nauvoo.

The Lord takes into consideration our desires, what we want for our future. If those desires are righteous and in accordance with His plan for us, then He will make a way for us to achieve it. He doesn't throw out what we want. I told her that if she wanted to perform in Walt Disney World more than anything else, and the Lord thought it was okay, then she is going to be performing there.

I have no doubts that she will make the decision that is best for her, even if it isn't Nauvoo. But my side of the experience was amazing.

After we said goodbye, I called my mom for the day and told her of this experience. While I was telling her what happened, I got the chills, and I was outside in the heat. It was the "Whoa" chills sensation. You probably have no idea what that is, but it felt so good. I stopped and told my mom that I had the chills just by telling her the story.

When I made it home, I opened my batteries and tried to put them in only to find out that it required Triple A batteries, which I already had.

The Lord works in mysterious ways. No doubt about it.

Whatever decision she makes, it will be the one that God wants her to take. He will provide a way for her and I am confident she will do great, wherever she goes. And I can be grateful for the experience that I had that testified to me that God is grateful for my service to Him in Nauvoo and He knows that my testimony of my experience is strong.

1st Day of School

One of my earliest memories of the first day of school was when I was in 1st grade. We had moved to New Jersey and this was my second school for 1st grade. I didn't know anyone and I felt super strange....

I remember 4 tables put together and all 3 girls at my table had dark hair and brown eyes. One girl, named Nina, was super mean and I didn't like her at all!

My next recollection of my first day of school was in 3rd grade. We had just moved to California from New Jersey and my mom dropped me off.  All the kids were waiting underneath this pavilion until the security guard told them that they could go. I saw a girl I met a church and to my dismay, we had the SAME EXACT SHOES. Now if you know anything about the first day of school, it's always about the outfit. ALWAYS. don't let anyone tell you any different.

Then zooming past all the years, I now sit in the Joseph Smith building on BYU campus on my first day of school. I may have said that it was all about the outfits.... well I am wearing a worn out pair of converse, rolled up jeans and a girly blouse. No makeup and bed hair. Wow, I live up to my comments, don't I?

Well, I start my classes at 10 which is in 50 mins. I can't wait to get back in the swing of things.
I don't think I can convey the dedication that I want to give my academics this semester.
I want to be accountable for my goals so maybe you guys can help me if I write them on my blog!

Goal 1: Quit watching Hulu. Done with all the TV shows. (except for the weekends)
Goal 2: Don't go home for lunch. Pack a lunch the night before and eat in a building on campus.
Goal 3: STUDY STUDY STUDY in the library. NOT at home.
Goal 4: Go to the temple at LEAST once a week.
Goal 5: Plasma. A MUST.
Goal 6: Go to bed at 9 pm.
Goal 7: Have Fun.
Goal 8: Read my scriptures and Pray all day long.
Goal 9: Smile and say hello to people I see on campus.
Goal 10: Keep my mission with me ALWAYS.

Maybe you guys could help me. Keep me accountable. I want to do my best and I want to stay focused.

Thanks for all you guys do. I love posting on my blog and you guys make it worth it!

Runway Sunday

So yesterday was the first Sunday of the semester.
We call it: "Runway Sunday"
Why?
Well, this is the first opportunity that girls get to meet the guys in their ward. They want to make a good impression. I mean c'mon, they might meet their eternal companion...... who knows? ;)

The walk up to the MARB looked a little like this. Well, honor code appropriate....

I was on Facebook and I saw that someone else called it "Size me up Sunday".

I just thought it was a silly thing about it. hahaha

A week.

So it has been a week.
A week since I left Nauvoo
A week since I entered Idaho
A week since I was released
A week since came back to reality.

Wow.

My mom asked me today what I missed most about Nauvoo. Was it the place? the people? the costume?(heavens no) the music?

Everything. Everything about Nauvoo. The whole ambiance. (except the costume.... most definitely not the costume!)

Lately I have been trying to keep up with some of my friends in Nauvoo, but I have to remember that they have families too! They are in homes that they have grown up in, with friends that have known almost their entire life. I just moved to a new home in good ole' Idaho. I don't know anyone. I am at least 5 hours away from anyone I know. It's hard.
But enough with the pitying.....

Being home, I have been able to spend so much time with my mom and dad. helping them move into their new home and exploring the farm country that surrounds us.
(seriously, we were stuck behind this big vehicle today- on a main road!)

Is this for real?







I have loved the experiences I have had.
In a week I will be back in Provo headed to school.
I can't wait to get back to business and work my butt off getting those rockin' grades!

Here's where most of my motivation is coming from.

Optimism in ALL things.

Here is just a peak at the summer I had.

 aw... look at these silly elders :)

 ummmm. ya. that's a sunset- brilliant huh?

 the woman who changed my life

 those super fun packed lunches from the Myers

 Meeting the actor who played Joseph Smith in the Nauvoo Pageant

 shaking Dallin H. Oaks' hand 4 times

 this place. so beautiful

 super fun teamsters

 bike rides through old Nauvoo

 my Mission President and his wife!

 spinning- but not the costume- bleh

 random dental hygiene parties

 wagon- everyday

 working with these talented stage performers

 flowers as big as my head!

look at that view! never gets old

These experiences.... will last forever. How can you not look at them and just fall in love?

I left my heart in Old Nauvoo!

Adios Amigos

My Farewell given in church today:


Early in his ministry, the Savior called his disciples to go forth and preach His word.  These were largely fishermen with little money.  They must have worried how they would provide for themselves and their families as they left to preach.  Calming their fears Jesus said, "Provide neither gold, nor silver, nor brass in your purses…for the workman is worthy of his meat."

The Savior, nearing the end of His life, could again sense the fear growing in His disciples.  He reminded them, "When I sent you without purse, and scrip, and shoes, lacked ye anything?  And they said, nothing."
We live in times of great uncertainty when the necessities of life seem harder to come by and where the burden of providing for our families seems heavier than in days past.  Although the road may be rough, when we walk with Him we need not worry for in Christ we lack nothing.

These words are printed beneath a painting of Christ and His disciples by artist Liz Lemon Swindle.  When I first saw it I was reminded of Elder Neil L. Andersen's message from this past conference:

"Can you imagine the scene of the eleven Apostles on the mountain near Galilee when the risen Lord came to them and said: Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost”? …Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.”

He then asked the question:  “All nations”? “All the world”? “Every creature”?

Then Elder Andersen answered his own question and quoted D&C 58:64  

 “The voice of warning shall be unto all people.” “For, verily, the sound must go forth … into all the world, and unto the uttermost parts of the earth.”

Many of you will remember the words of President Monson from October 2012 General Conference
"As we have prayerfully pondered the age at which young men may begin their missionary service, we have also given consideration to the age at which a young woman might serve. Today I am pleased to announce that able, worthy young women who have the desire to serve may be recommended for missionary service beginning at age 19, instead of age 21".

I was in my dorm kitchen watching the Saturday morning session of conference on a lap top with a few of my roommates when the change was announced.  For me, there has always been a desire to serve a mission and knowing that I would soon be turning 19   I started to seriously give place in my mind and heart to know how and when.

A few weeks later I was sitting in my band class when my director had a visitor come in to our room to speak with us about a musical opportunity in Nauvoo and anyone interested could send in a DVD of their audition.

As the days passed I couldn't get shake the feeling that I should send in a submission but with work and classes I couldn't find the time.   Days before it was due I scrambled to put something together and mailed it in with no expectation that it would even be considered.  An email came a week later notifying me that I was a finalist and that I would need to attend a live audition in Salt Lake City.

On January 5th I arrived early to the Joseph Smith Memorial building and made my way to the 10th floor.  As I was warming up my instrument I bent over to pull up my sagging tights and my nail ripped a hole in the right leg.  My first thought, "This must be bad luck".  Then someone came over to tell me that it was my turn.  My heart was pounding as I entered the room to see 4 Elderly brethren sitting down.  I happily introduced myself, smiled and used a little humor to help me feel less nervous and hoped they weren't looking at the hole in my tights.

After the auditions all the finalists were invited to stay for a special lunch and program.  At the very end the performing missionaries from previous years bore their testimonies and shared their experiences in Nauvoo.  It was at that moment when I felt the spirit witness to me and I knew that I wanted this opportunity…more than anything I've ever wanted before.

Two days later I received the call inviting me to serve with 16 other musicians as a Young Performing Missionary in Nauvoo.

“For, verily, the sound must go forth … into all the world, and unto the uttermost parts of the earth.”

Alma understood this when he declared in Alma 29

O that I were an angel, and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God, with a voice to shake the earth…

And then in D&C 29:4

…verily, I say unto you that ye are chosen out of the world to declare my gospel with the sound of rejoicing, as with the voice of a trump.

The first great sound of truth was declared by the Prophet Joseph:

“I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon me.
“… When the light rested upon me I saw two Personages, whose brightness and glory defy all description, standing above me in the air. One of them spake unto me, calling me by name and said, pointing to the other—This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him!”

This truth is celebrated again and again every time we sing the words…Oh How Lovely was the Morning

…and it is felt again and again in the hearts of those who visit the city of Nauvoo.

The Holy Ghost is the third member of the Godhead. He is a personage of spirit without a body of flesh and bones.        He is often referred to as the Spirit, the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of God, the Spirit of the Lord, or the Comforter. He works in perfect unity with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

As a personage of spirit, the Holy Ghost can be in only one place at a time, but His influence can be everywhere at the same time.

President Joseph Fielding Smith taught, “Through the Holy Ghost the truth is woven into the very fiber and sinews of the body so that it cannot be forgotten.”

Music has been called the universal language. It crosses boundaries of language and culture and communicates depths of feeling words rarely can.  It can invite the spirit of revelation and reflection.

In October 1974 President Kimball asked: “What is the greatest blessing that can come to man? The answer was given to John and Peter Whitmer:     … ‘And now, behold, I say unto you, that the thing which will be of the most worth unto you will be to declare repentance unto this people, that you may bring souls unto me, that you may rest with them in the kingdom of my Father.’ (D&C 15:6.)”

President Kimball went on to say “If one labors all his days and brings save it be one soul! … One soul! How precious!  “Oh, that God would give us that kind of love for souls!”

Kendra  joined the church when she was 15.  She lived in Washington, the 6th of 7 girls.  Her father left their family when she was 7 years old and he has not seen them or talked to them since.  When in High School Kendra dated a young man who just happened to be a member of the church.  He introduced her to the missionaries and even after they stopped dating they remained friends and she continued taking the missionary discussions.   At first her mother would not let her get her baptized, thinking it was just a phase that her daughter was going through and she would eventually get over it.  Kendra continued seeing the missionaries and then approached her mother once again, asking if she could get baptized.  This time her mother consented.
Kendra is now 19.  She was my roommate at BYU this past year.  She once told me that no one else in her family has any interest in learning about the gospel of Jesus Christ but she did remember a time when she happened to overhear her mother talking with a few other ladies and telling them, "I know my daughter is a good girl and is making good choices…SHE IS GOING TO BYU!"

One of the things Kendra loves about the gospel is the warm and welcoming spirit of the members.  What a blessing it was for me to know and love her and be strengthened by her growing testimony.  How grateful I am for the missionaries who were instrumental in bringing her to a knowledge of the truth and helping her to feel the love of the Savior.

Traditionally, this time I have to speak to you today is called my "mission farewell" but it truly is a farewell…as we are moving in a few weeks.

I was 12 when we moved into this ward.  Sister Mathison was my first Young Women's president.
As I look out and see the familiar faces of those who greatly influenced me over these last seven years…and for whom I am most grateful

I now stand before you and testify that Jesus Christ lives.  This is His church upon the earth today and He continues to lead and direct it through a living prophet, President Monson.

Every day I feel the love and mercy of my Savior and I know that He forgives and makes it possible for us to hope and look forward to living again in His presence.

The Savior's love is real and it is available to everyone.  I especially feel this when I study and ponder the scriptures.   The Book of Mormon is the inspired word of God.  I know without any doubt that Joseph Smith translated this holy record by divine power and it is through him that the Lord restored His gospel again to the earth.

I have experienced the power of the Holy Ghost.  It is through the gift and influence of the Holy Ghost that I was guided and lead  to receive this special call to serve as a Young Performing Missionary in Nauvoo.
This special mission call presented me with the opportunity to enter the House of the Lord.  What a glorious experience to go into the Temple with my parents and my brother and sister near my side.  Each week in Nauvoo we will have the occasion to return to the Temple every Wednesday.

The Lord's plan is a plan of happiness.  It is a plan that provides laws and ordinances, that when followed and obeyed keep us on a course of progression that allows us to become more and more like Him and to experience great joy in this life.

I also know that in this life we will experience hard things.  Because the Savior also experienced hard things He is the perfect source to turn to for comfort and peace and the help to keep going.

One of the hardest things may be to share the message of the gospel with friends or neighbors.

You might remember this little story from an October 2000 conference talk:

Consider that you are invited to a friend’s house for breakfast. On the table you see a large pitcher of freshly squeezed orange juice from which your host fills his glass. But he offers you none. Finally, you ask, “Could I have a glass of orange juice?”
He replies, “Oh, I am sorry. I was afraid you might not like orange juice, and I didn’t want to offend you by offering you something you didn’t desire.”

Maybe it's not quite exactly the same, but we have something even sweeter to share and we must accept the responsibility that is ours to share it.

I love my Savior.  He is my nearest and dearest friend.  It is my greatest privilege to serve Him and lend my musical talents to His work and the spreading of the message of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and help make ready the world for His great return as our Lord and King.

Coming to an End

So this is the official last week of school.... well finals week.
Then it's all done.
No more school.
or tests.
or apartment living.
or waking up at 3:50am.

It's all done.

I haven't really had a moment where I thought "Oh wow, I am going to miss all of this...."

But it will be bittersweet.
A farewell and good wishes to everyone I have met here at BYU my first year.

So as tribute to all the love in our apartment, we had our pictures taken, by none other than the wonderful Alissa.

Some will not be shown due to embarassing-ness or just plain awkward....

dude. I have never been able to take a jumping picture ever.... and I am pretty sure I beasted this one.

check out the booty on that blondie..... oh wait that's me.... ;)

This is one of my favorite people ever. I love her to death and am so grateful for her friendship!

This was the most painful picture ever!!! But oh so worth it.

I don't think I would be the person I am right now if it wasn't for these wonderful girls. I will miss them, but they have wonderful opportunities ahead of them.

PS don't forget I now have 11 days til I leave!!!!! AH!

Almost there....

My day today.

3:40am Wake Up for work

8:00am go back to the apt and work on:

• Newspaper Project for Geography
• Extra Credit Assignment for Geography
• Essay for Living Prophets
• Read 8 general conference talks
• Print everything

10:00 am Go to Living Prophets class

11:00 am Go to Geography Class

12:00 come home and work on ABC story

1-1:30 ASL lab

1:30 get ABC story printed

2:00 Practice for Recital tonight

2:30 make copies for pianist

3:00 practice with accompianist

4:00 go to ASL class

5:00 eat dinner

5:15 practice for recital

6:00 sit down

6:15 go to HFAC for recital

8:00pm Come home and sleep.

I don't even want to know what tomorrow looks like.
At least it is almost over.
It's been great, but lesbi-honest...... (heh. movie quote)

On the bright side, 18 DAYS! I am in the TEENS!!!

you already know....

so I attended a fireside last night that was specifically for those who were planning on Missionary service by none other than the President of Brigham Young University himself! Cecil O. Samuelson

He told many stories of his youth and his experiences with his journey to prepare for his mission.

One story he told, really impacted me because I almost had the same thing happen to me!

He said how when he was reading the Book of Mormon, he took Moroni's challenge at the end and prayed to know if it was true.  The spirit told him that he already knew the answer.  He shouldn't be praying to know it's true, instead he should be praying for understanding.

A while back, I remember saying my prayers and for some reason, I wanted to ask my Father in Heaven if Joseph Smith was in fact a true prophet. I thought it was a good idea. To my disheartenment, I was told that I already knew the answer and didn't need to be praying about it. He told me He loved me for my desire to have a feeling of confirmation, but I already had it while I learned about the prophet.

I didn't think much about it since til last night. When President Samuelson told that story it made me think about what I know it truth and what I understand.  I know a lot to be true, but I don't understand everything.  I am not supposed to understand everything. But I am supposed to use my knowledge to know and understand more.
That is how I grow.

I know and understand that this gospel is true.  I know and understand that the Book of Mormon was given to us in our day to help us become closer to our Savior and know of a surety that this church is true. I know and understand that the Prophet Joseph Smith restored the Church and its keys on the earth.  I know and understand the God loves me and everyone.  I cannot comprehend the amount of love, but I know and understand it is always there and will never fail.

And the results are in....

Well folks,
I received my "status update" from the school of music concerning my audition....

Unfortunately, I was not accepted to the school of music this year.

I can't say that I am happy about that outcome, but for some strange reason I am getting over it pretty quickly. (just don't ask me about it and I won't cry)

So now what.

















Honestly, I don't know.


















I know that this happened for a reason.  Maybe I'm not ready yet.  Maybe I need more practice.  Maybe I am supposed to go into a different major.....











I don't know.







I really thought this way my year.....

But then in my Polynesian Dance class, we have this little thought that the TA gives in Hawaiian before class starts.  Today it was about trying your best and working hard.  Then we are asked to give our own thoughts about the thought.

I raised my hand and said this," I think if we try our best in this life we can't be punished.  I mean, we have done all that we can do.... why should we regret anything we do because somehow, in the end, we become better people."

I don't know if this was my own little inspirational thought for myself after I found out, but it sure is helping.
Also, this song from EFY helped too.

Fear

What is it like to really be afraid?

Not the "oh, I am afraid of spiders".

But the type of fear that takes over your body. Makes you shake. You can't sleep. It feels as though you are completely lost.

It doesn't happen very often to me. But when it does, I remember who I am and the blessings I have been given to overcome those fears.

I just recently had my BYU school of music audition.  I was nervous, but it is ok to be nervous before an audition, in fact, it is healthy.  But it is still an audition. I had this type of fear come over me....

This audition isn't like the ones I have had before.  Because, if I don't make it, I have no idea what I will do with the rest of my college career. I don't know what I want to do. The French Horn is my love. It is the one thing that I always felt I could excel in.

But when I came home from my audition, I was greeted by my roommate who asked if I was going to the ward party.  Getting my mind off of the worries and having fun with my friends saved me a lot of tissues.

I say this time and time again because I firmly believe it to be true, but things happen for a reason.  If I don't get accepted into the school of music, then I know that there is something out there for me that is better.

There has to be something better out there for me if I don't get in, right?

This is just the thoughts of my mind and my heart.
I hate waiting.