"I didn't plan to do this..."

In my Music 202 class today my professor shared a poem that he openly admitted to being emotionally attached to it. He began to read and within a few short stanzas, he started to cry. He said, "I didn't plan to do this...."
The class was silent.
But a good silence.
A respectful silence filled with curiosity and caution.
I stopped writing my notes and watched as he wiped his tears from behind his glasses and continued to read. His voice shook and wavered, filled with immense emotion.
I listened and read along with him and felt it.
I felt what he was feeling.
My heart yearned and my body wrenched as I began to comprehend what the poem was really saying.
Read, and listen to the words.


We Are Seven

BY WILLIAM WORDSWORTH

———A simple Child,
That lightly draws its breath,
And feels its life in every limb,
What should it know of death?

I met a little cottage Girl:
She was eight years old, she said;
Her hair was thick with many a curl
That clustered round her head.

She had a rustic, woodland air,
And she was wildly clad:
Her eyes were fair, and very fair;
—Her beauty made me glad.

“Sisters and brothers, little Maid,
How many may you be?”
“How many? Seven in all,” she said,
And wondering looked at me.

“And where are they? I pray you tell.”
She answered, “Seven are we;
And two of us at Conway dwell,
And two are gone to sea.

“Two of us in the church-yard lie,
My sister and my brother;
And, in the church-yard cottage, I
Dwell near them with my mother.”

“You say that two at Conway dwell,
And two are gone to sea,
Yet ye are seven! I pray you tell,
Sweet Maid, how this may be.”

Then did the little Maid reply,
“Seven boys and girls are we;
Two of us in the church-yard lie,
Beneath the church-yard tree.”

“You run about, my little Maid,
Your limbs they are alive;
If two are in the church-yard laid,
Then ye are only five.”

“Their graves are green, they may be seen,”
The little Maid replied,
“Twelve steps or more from my mother’s door,
And they are side by side.

“My stockings there I often knit,
My kerchief there I hem;
And there upon the ground I sit,
And sing a song to them.

“And often after sun-set, Sir,
When it is light and fair,
I take my little porringer,
And eat my supper there.

“The first that dies was sister Jane;
In bed she moaning lay,
Till God released her of her pain;
And then she went away.

“So in the church-yard she was laid;
And, when the grass was dry,
Together round her grave we played,
My brother John and I.

“And when the ground was white with snow,
And I could run and slide,
My brother John was forced to go,
And he lies by her side.”

“How many are you, then,” said I,
“If they two are in heaven?”
Quick was the little Maid’s reply,
“O Master! we are seven.”

“But they are dead; those two are dead!
Their spirits are in heaven!”
’Twas throwing words away; for still
The little Maid would have her will,
And said, “Nay, we are seven!”


Death does not separate us.
My belief is that families can be together forever, when sealed with the walls of the Lord's temple. I know that I can be with my family, my future husband, and my future children, for time and all eternity.
We are seven. And always will be.

Day 4

I didn't grow up in poverty, nor did I lead a life of luxury and money. Instead, I lived a life where practical financial decisions were made. My parents didn't splurge on trivial items that wouldn't last. Instead, the money was spent on family things, like going out to eat or going to the movies.

I remember sometimes asking my mom if I could join a sports team and her reply was to the effect that I would most likely give up and she didn't want to spend the money for me to give up.

Ya know, they say that hindsight is always 20/20. I look back and sometimes wish my mom would have let me go out for a sports team so I could understand the nature of failing and getting back up again. The 90 dollars seems so unimportant in comparison to the life lessons I could have learned.

Why is it that now, as a college student, my finances are so important to me that they affect my relationships with others?

I could say that it was because my parents said no to a lot of things that I asked for because of the money.
or
I could say that my dad told me to start saving for college at a young age. (I worked in the cafeteria in middle school and earned about 20 dollars a month- that was the start)
or
I could say that I realize that money is pertinent to living in this society.

Don't you agree?

Even if you want to go anywhere, the gas prices alone could make you bankrupt.

My brother calls me stingy.
My parents say I worry too much.
My sister thinks my education is more important.

They are all right.
But I have reason to.

I don't have any scholarships. I don't work full time. I live in a cheap housing facility and yet my bank account reads lower than my IQ. I have considered on several occasion, getting a second job, but most of the time that would require a car, which I cannot afford AT ALL.

To live is expensive.


If life were but a dream
maybe it would all seem
to go my way 
and I may never dismay

To worry is to die
for time just passes by
with my mind racing
and my body pacing

I don't want to live
where all I have to give 
is everything temporal
when I need everything spiritual

Facing the world
with my hair fancy and curled
I say, 
Okay

I will give
I will take
I will share
I will make

For what I need to do
The Lord will help me too.


Today I am grateful for my job. It has been the best thing I could have ever asked for this past year and a half. It's not the wonderful career that I am going to put on my resume, but it has taught me about life and putting aside my natural man.

Stay

Little girl of 1
please stay
please don't cry
Your smile and love enrapture me

Little girl of 8
please stay
please don't change
Your innocence and light fill my day

Little girl of 12
please stay
please don't grow up
Your heart and intelligence make me better

Little girl of 16
please stay
please don't get tangled up drama
Your laughter and beauty radiate more than the sun

Little girl of 18
please stay
please don't go
Your independence and maturity puts me in a state of awe

Where did you go my little girl of 1?
Please stay.
You can conquer the world, but remember me.
Dad,

circle of life

happiness radiates

like the sun
warm and welcoming

it invites
the happiness of others
together and terrific

anger tears
the pieces of joy a part
ragged and ruined

forgiveness heals
the wounded and the weary
humble and heartfelt

laughter cures
the worst pains
magnificent and merry

ej

shielded

echoes of my past entice my thoughts of today.

i cannot hide from them, for they are a part of me.

forgotten memories hidden from the mind.

they enter freely, as if there is no one to stop them.

how to stop.... how to make it all disappear.

they cannot go away, for they are a part of me.

let them in. 

sink deep within.

learn.

remember.

then, let them drift.

EJ