And the results are in....

Well folks,
I received my "status update" from the school of music concerning my audition....

Unfortunately, I was not accepted to the school of music this year.

I can't say that I am happy about that outcome, but for some strange reason I am getting over it pretty quickly. (just don't ask me about it and I won't cry)

So now what.

















Honestly, I don't know.


















I know that this happened for a reason.  Maybe I'm not ready yet.  Maybe I need more practice.  Maybe I am supposed to go into a different major.....











I don't know.







I really thought this way my year.....

But then in my Polynesian Dance class, we have this little thought that the TA gives in Hawaiian before class starts.  Today it was about trying your best and working hard.  Then we are asked to give our own thoughts about the thought.

I raised my hand and said this," I think if we try our best in this life we can't be punished.  I mean, we have done all that we can do.... why should we regret anything we do because somehow, in the end, we become better people."

I don't know if this was my own little inspirational thought for myself after I found out, but it sure is helping.
Also, this song from EFY helped too.

Fear

What is it like to really be afraid?

Not the "oh, I am afraid of spiders".

But the type of fear that takes over your body. Makes you shake. You can't sleep. It feels as though you are completely lost.

It doesn't happen very often to me. But when it does, I remember who I am and the blessings I have been given to overcome those fears.

I just recently had my BYU school of music audition.  I was nervous, but it is ok to be nervous before an audition, in fact, it is healthy.  But it is still an audition. I had this type of fear come over me....

This audition isn't like the ones I have had before.  Because, if I don't make it, I have no idea what I will do with the rest of my college career. I don't know what I want to do. The French Horn is my love. It is the one thing that I always felt I could excel in.

But when I came home from my audition, I was greeted by my roommate who asked if I was going to the ward party.  Getting my mind off of the worries and having fun with my friends saved me a lot of tissues.

I say this time and time again because I firmly believe it to be true, but things happen for a reason.  If I don't get accepted into the school of music, then I know that there is something out there for me that is better.

There has to be something better out there for me if I don't get in, right?

This is just the thoughts of my mind and my heart.
I hate waiting.

If this doesn't make you believe it, I don't know what will!

It isn't fate.  It isn't destiny.
It is just how things were meant to happen.

I was in band class.  Elder Brague came up and began discussing an opportunity we could have to serve as a performing missionary in Nauvoo, IL. I thought, "Ya know, that would be kinda cool..... Sure, why not?"

Then as the deadline approached, I thought I should probably get practicing... hahaha.... I worked with my teacher and practiced on my own.  Then I planned how I would film myself.  In my kitchen using my laptop.  I mean, I didn't have any resources to go anywhere else.... Unfortunately, my laptop wasn't working and I was freaking out.  So my lovely roommate suggested I use a camera.... (wow em, seriously? haha) She spent about an hour to film me, I will always be eternally grateful. After several takes, I thought, I guess that is the best I can do.......

I mailed it in and prayed it would get there in time, and it did! Then I waited..... and waited..... not knowing and honestly, I wasn't too worried.  I wanted to know, but I wasn't at the point where I would die if I wasn't finalist, that sort of thing....

Then I got the email saying I was a finalist and my interest significantly rose...  I thought, "I filmed myself in my kitchen and they still want to hear me??" haha I was in disbelief, but it made me want to really work for this call back audition which was Jan 5th.  Literally 2 days ago.

I worked for my audition.  I practiced.  I worked my mind, telling myself I could do it and these people really WANT to hear me. (I was still doubting that they had emailed the right girl....) When I went to the audition, I was sitting waiting to go warmup, thinking I had a good 30 min, but nope.  5 min passed and I was asked to warm up for the audition.  I was like, OK.  I bent over to pull up my tights and of course I rip a huge run and a hole in them.....

I said, this is a sign bad luck, isn't it????  People laughed thinking I was being funny, but I was SERIOUS!

I warmed up and felt good.  When I went into the audition the people there were these cute little old men.  I talked with them and they were so NICE!  It made me very comfortable, but my audition itself.... eh. I have done better.

Then they had a luncheon for all the auditioners...  That is what changed my whole perspective.  They had past missionaries come and bear the testimonies.  I remember one girl said, "ya know, you are here for a reason.  Whether it be to meet certain people, or be invited into the program or at least have the experience of auditioning. But you are here for a reason."

They sang songs and I felt the spirit so strong.  I knew without a doubt this was something I WANTED! No longer an opportunity, but something I really wanted.

That night was spent saying a lot of prayers.  I realized something as well.
God doesn't plan out our entire life.  "Oh that girl was meant to drink that soda." No.  Those are our choices.  But after we have made choices and tried and made efforts, then He exercises His power in our life.

I made the choice to take the information paper and learn about this program.
I made the choice to film myself for the audition DVD. (and i didn't give up when my laptop didn't work out)
I made the choice (with the help of my sis and bro in law) to go to SLC and do the call back audition.
I made the choice to practice.
I made the choice to say my prayers and ask for help.
I made the choice to accept whatever the outcome would be.

Then. And only then did God put forth His hand and allowed for this opportunity to come to me.

Everything happens for a reason.

If you don't believe it, then re-read my story.
I auditioned in a college kitchen.  Bad video quality and I wasn't perfect.  I didn't practice much before the SLC audition.  My call back audition was not great..... But I still tried. I still put forth my best effort.

How did I get invited to be a part of this program if I wasn't perfect?
I don't know.... my mind works on the idea that "if you are meant to do something, to meet someone, etc. you will meet them, but only based on the choices you make."

I am so grateful for this chance to go to Nauvoo.  I know it can change my life, only if I let it and I work my BUTT off!

I also expect to see all of you in Nauvoo this summer! :)