Feeling Different

I'm not a pessimistic person. In fact, most people would describe me as a sunshiny, bubbly, happy person. 

But I'm going to take a moment to express how different I have been feeling lately.

Ever since my birthday, something has been off. I don't feel the same. I'm not so inclined to be happy. I'm not so encouraged to be nice to other people. I feel like I am just a mean person and that no one really cares about me or about my life. 

I could go on and on about how terrible I feel, but like I said, I'm not a pessimistic person. 

But the last straw was noticing that a girl I visit teach unfriended me on facebook. A girl who I have tried and tried to show love to and serve in ways that only I could do, but it hurt.

I was so confused. Did I do something wrong? I have tried to see her and show her my love for her, but apparently she doesn't see it the way that I do. 

So this is me trying to turn myself around to have a better perspective about everything. 

I watched a Mormon video that helped me. View here.

He said that he needed to get a better perspective, so he asked himself, Who am I?

Who am I?

Right now, even that question is a little difficult to answer.

I am Emily Jex. I am 20 years old. I am trying each and every day. 

I am a child of God. I am the receiver of so many blessings. I am a believer in forgiveness, in the atonement, in my Savior, Jesus Christ. I am a promoter of life, happiness, and fun. I am an enforcer of truth and fairness. I am a lover of family, friends, and hope. 

In no way, shape, or form, am I perfect. 

I am guilty of so much wrong, but I am worthy of so much hope for the future regardless of my past.

Recently, I was accused of talking about my mission too much, but I remember an experience that is so relevant to my life that I don't understand why I wouldn't talk about it.

I was helping with the Trail of Hope, leading a group down the trail, in the dark, using only the lamp I was holding and the light of the moon. At the very end, I had the opportunity to bear my testimony. The Spirit witnessed to me what I needed to say to this group. I talked about how the Lord is mindful of all our needs, of all our worries and weaknesses and wants to be a part of everything we go through. 

When I closed, I watched them walk away, knowing that they were affected by the words that the Spirit conveyed to me that I should say. 

This experience came to mind because I realized that I needed to remember the things that I said to the group for myself. The Lord is mindful of MY needs, all of MY worries and weaknesses and wants to be a part of everything I go through. 

I can do it. I can still be happy and joyful throughout my hard experiences, whatever they may be. 

Even if it feels as though the world is tumbling on top of me, telling me that I am not doing enough and not worthy of love, I know that the Lord is watching out for me and that He loves me. More than any girl I visit teach, more that any guy I may be interested in, more than the world.

Some Inspiration for the New Year!

When we make a focus to be better, to do better, to become better, we are blessed with better experiences, friends, memories in the future. 

I was talking to my mom a little while back about how we are always worried about the past or the future and we find it hard to actually "live in the moment".  She told me something interesting about the future....

She said, "The future doesn't actually belong to us because it is based off of decisions that we are making RIGHT NOW."

We can't concern ourselves with the future, when there is no certainty in it. The only certainty we have is right now.

I have faith and hope for a future that is full of blessings and good things, but I also have to remind myself that I cannot expect things to ALWAYS happen the way that I want them to. 

This quote was posted on Facebook by a friend and I thought it to be absolutely brilliant.

“Maybe this year, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives not looking for flaws, but looking for potential.” 

My biggest goal is to look for ways to improve myself each day from the previous day. I find one thing that I didn't like and I make a change. 

I be better. I do better. I try.

Try

Everyday we are faced with challenges that help us become the people that we need/want to be. Some are not easy and some make us realize the purpose of this mortal life.

Last night my roommates boyfriend told me that I was rude.
Now it was a little harsh and I didn't know how to respond to the situation. I mean, no one wants to be told that they are rude. But I realized a lot about myself last night.

1. I love to be sarcastic. (Most people can tell that it is all jokes)
2. I get super defensive when I have been called on the carpet.
3. I want to get along with everyone. (I really hate contention)
4. You have to give people the benefit of the doubt when they are trying to improve.
5. We all are trying to be better each day.

Try a little harder to be a little better.

I told my roommate that I am trying to be better. I said I'm sorry for all the times that I might have been rude, but I am still trying.

I will say that I know sarcasm can be rude, and a lot of people get easily offended by it, but I also believe that if you know me, you know that that is just a part of who I am. You can be sarcastic without tearing other people down and belittling them.

"The Apostle Paul taught similar principles to the Ephesians: “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers” (Ephesians 4:29). According to this scripture, all our communication should uplift others and strengthen them in the Lord." Gordon B. Hinckley

Laughter cures the wounded spirit. But if it is at the expense of another person, then it should be reconsidered.

I am trying to be better. Each and every day. I need to give the benefit of the doubt to those who I encounter and pray that they would display that same courtesy.