Been a while... Welcome back!

It's been a while my friends, but I am back and ready for a new adventure of life and happiness.

I have been through A LOT this summer.
There have been things that have tested the limits of my ability to forgive and forget.
I have learned that everyone deserves to be loved and cared for, no matter what they have done or what they believe. Everyone deserves to be forgiven and loved.
And that is my goal for the year. To show people that no matter their circumstance, no matter how far they feel they have fallen off the edge, they are still here, still deserving of every ounce of love and compassion that is out there.



Everyone has been through things that have changed their perspective, life, and hearts.I have been through the hardest test of life and still struggle with it DAILY. It never leaves me. But I chose to push through it and let the warm sun radiate my spirit because I can't let the gray clouds of doubt and fear seep in.
If they do, I am afraid that I will go back to who I was.
So, I will be happy. I will chose joy and smiles over sorrows and pity.
I will help others be happy and want to choose joy over their sorrows. I don't want anyone to feel the pain and sorrow that comes from mistakes and a PAST.

Thanks to a special friend of mine, this is what my answer has been to many of my questions.

Now my brethren, we see that God is mindful of every people, whatsoever land they may be in; yea, he numbereth his people, and his bowels of mercy are over all the earth. Now this is my joy, and my great thanksgiving; yea, and I will give thanks unto my God forever. Amen. (Alma 26:37)

In Sister Byers words, "it doesn't matter where we are physically, spiritually, or emotionally- no place is too far to not feel his love."

In Jeffrey R Holland's words, "the thought I heard many years ago that surely the thing God enjoys most about being God is the thrill of being merciful, especially to those who don’t expect it and often feel they don’t deserve it."

I want to be more like the Savior and be merciful and show compassion because everyone deserves that. Because that is what I deserve.

I love my God. I love my faith. I love the mercy that comes from a Savior who knows EXACTLY what I am going through, each and every day.

A new Job, Temperature, and Focus

Today is December 4th, 2013.

I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that it is going to be 2014 in less than 30 days.
So many changes have been happening and are going to happen.


I just started a new job. I literally have no idea what I am doing. I think it will be a challenge for me to understand what I have to do. The people seem nice and willing to work with me and help me out, but I know how it can sometimes be a pain in the butt to train a newbie. You have to make sure they know and understand what they are doing before you can go back to what you do. It can be annoying. It can be frustrating. It takes a crapload of patience. I get it. And I hate it. I hate being the newbie. I hate not knowing anything. I hate when they explain something to me and I have NO IDEA what they just said.
But I am unbelievably, eternally grateful for this opportunity. This job provides me with something that I have needed for a very long time.

"Don't be afraid of not knowing."

I cannot begin to describe to you how many people have posted about the snow and the cold and how they either hate it or they love it, or maybe even both. It is so annoying, but yet here I am posting about how I dislike the snow and the cold, but in some what I love it as well.

I had to walk to plasma on Tuesday when the snow first began, and it seemed as though it would never stop. I thought I would go run, so I wore workout clothes, but to my extreme dislike, the snow was slippery and icy and if I ran, I would have fallen dozen of times. I was covered in snow when I got to the center and tried to warm up, but tennis shoes are made to have holes in them and my feet never seemed to regain their feeling. But nonetheless, I braved the storm, knowing that I would get home soon.

That sounded so deep and applicable to more than just that moment.

We brave the storms everyday, whether they be addiction, depression, distractions, weaknesses, or even anger, we have to trust in the knowledge that we will get home soon, that "this too shall pass".

One thing that I have realized over and over again is the fact that I have to keep my eyes focused.
I need to remember that I am loved and cared for by so many.
I need to remember that I am blessed beyond compare.
I need to remember that if I do these things then I will be strengthened and blessed to be able to do more that I thought I could.

When it feels like all hope is lost...

Some days are harder than others.

I guess that is just life. I want to have every day be wonderful, full of optimism and hope, but the world around us is all about negativity and failure. Even at BYU, we are still connected to the world.

Today was just plain ugly.

1. I broke a mug at work. It didn't belong to me and it was my fault that I broke it. I felt so terrible that I broke something that belonged to someone else and had no idea who they were so I could make it right. 
2. I am not doing so great at these stat quizzes anymore. And I don't know why. 
3. I find it hard to write a 600 word paper. (probably because I haven't had to write a paper in a long time)
4. My friend stole my paper topic. And ya, it doesn't matter because there are probably people who chose my topic too, but just the idea that I told her my topic, then she went and wrote her paper on the same person.
5. My apartment reminds me of a pigsty. Tons of flies swarm the leftover food sitting in dishes.

So how to counter all this negativity and pessimism?


To quote a favorite movie of mine, We Bought A Zoo,  "Sometimes all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage -- 20 seconds of embarrassing bravery and I promise you something great will come of it."


So that is what I made of my day. 20 seconds of insane courage, a forever of waiting, and a successful ending.

Growing up

For my ASL class, we have to choose one children's story and sign the characters and summary.

I may have procrastinated this project til today.... and it is kinda due tomorrow...... BUT HEY! YOLO!
No worries, tho, I got it done. :)

But I want to tell you about the story I chose.....
Can you guess which one I picked?
Well, lemme give you a few hints....
1) traditional as traditional can be
2)book and movie form
3) best friends
4) cartoon
5) it involves talking animals
any guesses??? (I think I may have described every childhood story there is out there)
6)"silly old bear"

YUP. That's right folks.

WINNIE THE POOH!

This is my favorite. OF ALL TIMES!

I grew up watching every movie,story, book, tv show, etc imaginable. 

I still watch the movies. seriously.

So first, I had to find which of the MANY stories to pick. It was easy. 

"Pooh's Grand Adventure: The Search for Christopher Robin"

Just signing the summary I wanted to watch the movie! So, I find a link to the movie and watch it. And I remember the songs, the words, the silliness, how much I LOVE piglet. 

He is my FAVORITE! (actually I thought he was a girl when I was little)

I guess I will never grow up..... I wasn't really planning on it anyway ;)

In the wise words of Christopher Robin

"You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."

A REALLY REALLY good day.

I haven't one of these sort of days since high school.

I love days like today.

lemme let you in on the secret of why today was so great.

.......because I made it great......

Sometimes I forget that I am in control of all my happiness.
I make the choices that affect how I feel. I choose how I feel.

I think Harold B. Lee said it best.
"Happiness doesn't depend on what happens outside of you, but what happens inside of you."

So Saturday was my birthday and my sister and brother in law gave me the best birthday I could have ever asked for. Especially being away from home.... it made me feel like I was at home because I was with people who loved me and I love them too!

Then Sunday, I was able to meet with my Bishop concerning some confusing details about my mission to Nauvoo.  He was so kind and willing to help me figure out the situation.  We both are new at this type of thing.  But he was wonderful to help me.

Then today, I had scheduled an appointment to meet with my counselor to change my major and get more information about the direction I want to go with Communication Disorders (which is my new major). My appt. was at 2 and my classes ended at 12 so I spent the time studying for my midterm for my ComD class.  I really wanted a good grade on the test because I want to prove to myself that I can work hard and understand these things pertaining to my new major.  I ended early so I wouldn't be late.  But I was super hungry because I didn't have any lunch.  Then I remembered a coupon my roommate had given me for a free Jamba! So I treated myself. It was grand. :)

Then I met with the counselor.  I can say that it was sooooooooo helpful and beneficial.  I explained what happened with the school of music and what I wanted to do now.  I told him that I originally wanted to minor in music because I still wanted to be a part of it but I didn't think careers would look at a minor in music as good....
To my surprise, he disagreed with me.  He said he knew a kid with autisim that was told by his speech pathologist that he should learn to play the trumpet because it would strengthen his face muscles and help with his speech.  It has actually helped him.  I was amazed and so grateful.  I could still do something I loved.

Then came my midterm.  I studied with some friends and then I prayed and headed off to the testing center.
When I came out, I was greeted by a wonderful 90%.
I did a little double fist in the air for joy.

It has been great.  Because I wanted it to be great.  I wanted it to be better than the days I have had before. I love days like today.

Days like today are the ones that we live for.

I think I've said this before....

I truly believe my mom is inspired every day to think about something and share it with me, on her blog, with her friends, etc... She searches for ways to increase her knowledge of spiritual things.  She finds quotes and talks that uplift and help guide the mind to think more about Christ and less about oneself.

She blogged a couple weeks ago with this quote and for some reason it hit me so hard.

"It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which . . . you would be strongly tempted to worship. . . . There are no ordinary people." C.S. Lewis

We know that we are spiritual brothers and sisters.  We know that God created us in His own image and gave us unique and special gifts that help us become the people we are meant to be.  We know that we will become gods and goddesses.  But when you look at someone, do you think, wow, they are going to be a great ruler in this next life?

I know I haven't.  I look more on the style they have or the color of their eyes.  Sometimes I like what I see, but sometimes, I have criticisms.

Reading this quote, I want to go and tell everyone I see just how amazing they are.  They deserve to know how brilliant they are and can become.

I want to be told that. I want someone to come up to me and tell me that I am going to be an amazing goddess.

Every one is different, but everyone has something to offer.

It is in the past, it does not matter.

Ok, first. Watch this.
If you don't watch this, then what I will say will not make any sense. So..... watch it. :)

In my family, we LOVE to quote movies.  I mean, we watch so many of them, it is kinda hard not to pick up a few lines here and there. This one has always been a favorite.

Rafiki: "It is in the past, it does not matter." (it is only funny if you try to say it like Rafiki)

I think Rafiki has some pretty darn hilarious quotes, but they are also wise.

Do the things in the past really matter?  Does it matter what that one girl from that one class said to you on that day?
No.
It doesn't.  And if you think it does, then why?

I remember hearing somewhere that we, as humans, are almost incapable of forgetting the things in the past.
For example:
Brandon B. in third grade, called me a "Big, Fat, Chubby Leg." Now he called me this after I pushed him to the ground because he cut me in the lunch line.
I remember it because it made an impact on my life AT THAT MOMENT.  It has no purpose in my life now, so why worry?
I don't worry about anymore.  I let it go.

But that was also 10 years ago. It is harder to not worry about the things in the past when they are close in time.

Like when my friend didn't text me when I really needed to talk to her.
Or when I ruined a date with the guy of my dreams because I was so awkward.  (I still cringe at the hug)
Or when my roommates don't respect my stuff.

After several sessions of self-talk. Those things just seem so trivial. But remembering them can hurt.
I don't know if they hurt as bad at Simba getting wacked on the head with a stick, but it can hurt the heart.

Those things don't matter. Sorry Charlie, you can argue all you want on how your roommates are treating you like they don't care, but it makes no difference. It doesn't matter.

I think I was reading or listening to some talk, I have no idea where or when, but it came to my mind and it has kinda been my favorite idea ever since.

We came to this world to grow and progress and become like our Heavenly Father. We face day to day trials that test our faith and understanding of the Atonement. We came to this Earth for that purpose.
Our purpose isn't to shop at all the malls and pray on occasion.  This world was not centered around school and work and clothes. It was centered around of Father. It was created for our relationship with Him to grow. Our first priority in this life is HIM.  So why are we constantly worried about everything else, but Him?

Stop the worries about money.
Stop the worries about clothes.
Stop the worries about school.
work, friends, schedules, etc. etc. etc.

You guys know what you worry about.  I know what I worry about.

If we have a life centered around Him, then why are we worrying. He can take care of it all if we are focused on Him.