Put a little NICE in the world today

I found this SUPER AWESOME author who works as a "Standardized Patient". Her job is to act out different disorders with a 10-12 page script. Medical students guess her illness according to the symptoms that she plays.

It is an extremely interesting read and I recommend it to all. Click here for the link to her website.
It is long, but I love it!


She discusses the idea of empathy and how it plays in our relationships with other people. What do we feel when another person feels pain or anguish from their own experiences? What do we say to them? How do we treat them after?
It's an endless amount of questions and to be completely honest, the answer is never the same for every person.


I was reading this article that talked about why we need to compliment people more in our life. They discussed scientific proof stating that "social rewards directly enhance skill consolidation in humans and research suggests that they have a novel functional effect on the human motor memory system."

We like it when people compliment us.

I mean, c'mon, you wore that cute dress that you just bought and got all dolled up so you could impress someone. (sometimes I dress up and take a picture and send it to my mom so she will tell me how cute I am-desperate, I know)

But the article considered the idea that complimenting each other shouldn't be for one's personal gain or satisfaction. "Taking an extra moment to not only notice something positive in another human but also express that positivity out loud (without ulterior motives)". I think that is where the empathy part plays a role. We don't have to feel bad for someone who looks awful and compliment their shoes because we think that they think they look awful. No. Don't do that.

Think of it more like this-

"Empathy isn't just something that happens to us- a meteor shower of synapses firing across the brain- it's also a choice we make: to pay attention, to extend ourselves. It's made of exertion, that dowdier cousin of impulse."

I believe that if we were to pay closer attention to people, to "extend ourselves" to others, and choose to acknowledge someone else's greatness (not putting ourselves down, or comparing ourselves to that individual), both can experience a happy moment that they will remember.

According to Professor Norihiro Sadato, a study lead and professor at the National Insitute for Physiological Sciences in Japan said, "To the brain, receiving a compliment is as much a social reward as being rewarded money. We've been able to find scientific proof that a person performs better when they receive a social reward after completing an exercise. Complimenting someone could become an easy and effective strategy to use in the classroom and during rehabilitation."

Now, when I read this report from Professor Sadato, I immediately think of all those people who get compliments for their athleticisms and talents, and then botch up because they let it "get to their head". But then I think, they still did a good job and they deserve to be complimented for their accomplishments.


Don't be stingy with your compliments. Or your kindness.

There is no shame in making someone else feel good about themselves and being honest about your feelings and admiration for another.

Let's vocalize some awesome kindness!

Quit it. Stop it. Enough is Enough!

I have been trying to come up with a gentle approach to it, but I don't think this deserves to be treated gently. It needs ACTION.


What is up with being mean? I mean, c'mon- WHAT. IS. UP.

We were all told the Golden Rule growing up:

Treat others how you want to be treated.

GOLD- it has value.


So why will we DEMAND kindness and respect and fairness when we don't give those to others?
Honestly.
GROW UP!

With social media at our fingertips, we will use every occasion to passively express our disdain and displeasure with people and situations.

You don't like your roommate?
- well you kind of live with them, so you have to LIVE WITH IT.

You don't like your ward?
- well, they love you so, you look like the idiot.

You don't like your job, or the people you work with?
- well do you want to keep your job? yes? then deal with it and suck it up.

I think that people who put their feelings on social media about people that are not positive are the ones with the issue.

I will own up to this right now:

Have I ever tweeted about someone I don't like?

Yes.

Do I regret it?

Yes.

(the tweet has since been deleted and forgotten because I understood how FOOLISH it is)

We are all human. We ALL make mistakes. 

YES. I MAKE MISTAKES. BIG FAT JUICY ONES.

Do I want to be criticized on social media because I wasn't up to par of someone's expectations of me?

No. I don't and I don't think ANYONE wants to. 

So why do we keep doing it?

Why do we feel the need to tear someone down- to make them feel less powerful- or good- or decent because they fail to be the person we think they should be?

At work, I was given a position of leadership wherein I have certain obligations and expectations. I fall short so many times, but I try SO HARD to be the best I can be. 

And yet, I am met with passive hostility through social media because I am not the cool person who will engage in gossip and dishonesty. 

I'm not sorry for that. I am sorry for the people who say I should be that way. 

To quote a wonderful writer on my favorite website:

"Take your yucky attitude and your negative opinions and your world reknown talent for lying elsewhere because it’s time to for the nice girls to call you out. No more bullying. No more behind the back name calling. And for certain, no more trying to pull us happy people down.  You can’t affect us anymore, I have an imaginary force fold around me that I bought at Rite Aid.  So there. And it was on special. Double win. So, go ahead say what you want. Do what you want, I won’t even blink. Because we have the power to not give the mean people power. If we train on brain to disregard the negative, soon enough it doesn’t exist. It’s like magic, but without the black candles and the Ouija board. If you need me,  I will be here standing my ground, being creative and persevering while you peer from the other end of the street otherwise known as mean girl yucky lonely-ville. (Or insert stronger insult here.) Now, if you’ll excuse me, I am going to stuff myself with Reese’s Pieces because I’ve earned. Chubby thighs, here I come."

-JC Coccoli-

I have been that person that has been through the ringer when it comes to MEAN PEOPLE. But I look at myself in the mirror in the morning and say, "you can do this. the things they say are just words that bounce off you like a trampoline. you are worth more than the negative comments that ANYBODY says." And I'm okay. When I have to deal with those awful, yucky people, I have a HARD time and it hurts, but I will come out alive and grateful that I am who I am. 

I want people to know that I love them. That EVERYONE deserves love and kindness and hope for a better future. If I have ever been mean to anyone, I have gone through my sorrow and searched for the forgiveness that only the Atonement can bring. 

"We can so clearly and easily see the harmful results that come when others judge and hold grudges. And we certainly don’t like it when people judge us.

But when it comes to our own prejudices and grievances, we too often justify our anger as righteous and our judgment as reliable and only appropriate. Though we cannot look into another’s heart, we assume that we know a bad motive or even a bad person when we see one. We make exceptions when it comes to our own bitterness because we feel that, in our case, we have all the information we need to hold someone else in contempt.

The Apostle Paul, in his letter to the Romans, said that those who pass judgment on others are “inexcusable.” The moment we judge someone else, he explained, we condemn ourselves, for none is without sin. Refusing to forgive is a grievous sin—one the Savior warned against. Jesus’s own disciples had “sought occasion against [each other] and forgave not one another in their hearts; and for this evil they were afflicted and sorely chastened.”"
- Dieter F. Uchtdorf


I wish we could see ourselves in those moments of weakness, when we feel it "necessary" to speak poorly of another, and STOP IT.

Gossiping is a form of bullying and it is NOT okay.
Please stop.

I am an imperfect human being with many flaws who will ALWAYS fall short. But I ask that you don't judge me because I sin differently than you. Give the benefit of the doubt that we are all trying to do our best and that people are not intending to hurt or maliciously tear another down.


Stay away from social media when you are feeling particularly hateful. It will not help. It doesn't matter how many people favorite your tweet or like a post/picture, you are tearing another down and it isn't okay.


Ponder on this quote from CS Lewis:

“It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest most uninteresting person you can talk to may one day be a creature which,if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship... All day long we are, in some degree helping each other to one or the other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all of our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal.”

I'm not the only one who feels this way.
Click the websites below to see more people who feel similarly to me.

Humor
Inspirational
Monica Lewinsky

Hello Giggles

You know, everyone has their guilty pleasure of social media and internet reading.

I LOVE instagram.
Like a LOT!

But I happened upon this website when I started following Zooey Deschanel on Twitter and Facebook and it has changed my life.

It just talks about life. There are different authors who post about a wide range of things that we all deal with in life.


I read one today and it was particularly close to home and what I have been feeling.

http://hellogiggles.com/friend-of-a-friend

I recommend that you read this and think about how you treat your friends and what you may say to others about them.


I have a VERY strong opinion that you should NEVER talk "crap" about your friend to a person that does not know them.
That is literally a definition of GOSSIP.

All we have to do is BE KIND.
why is it so hard?