Talking too much

I went to institute on Tuesday and really enjoyed it. We discussed different stories of the Savior and how we could become more like Him through these stories. My teacher had each of us take a turn to read these 4-5 verses and then asked us if we had any comments after reading them.

Excuse the crappy phone pic

I really felt connected to these stories. My brain was thinking and pondering continuously on the different aspects of the stories and how I could relate to each. I ended up raising my hand and sharing those thoughts after each story. I thought that maybe someone might learn from my comments or that I might learn more if I were to just say the words out loud.

Not even realizing what I was doing, by the last story, I froze. I immediately felt shame because I realized that I was talking too much. I shouldn't have commented that much and that I might have taken away from someone else and their comments.
EMBARRASSED for sure.

I turned to the girl next to me and said how bad I felt for commenting so much. She kindly responded that I was fine and that she really appreciated my comments. Then, after class another girl thanked me for my comments and said that she always learns from the things I say. I still felt terrible for talking to much. Then ANOTHER member of my class said that she appreciated my comments and that was it. I couldn't take the compliments for me doing something that I didn't feel was appropriate.

I came home and told my mother everything (cuz that's what a 23 year old woman who still lives home does...) She lovingly asked me if maybe....just maybe there might have been some pride in my comments. That I wasn't commenting for others, but just to hear my own voice. I didn't really think that was it, but I was open to the idea that maybe it was. Then she said that because I felt that I needed to comment on every story and share what I was learning that I was actually taking away the role of the Holy Ghost in teaching others.

You don't have to speak or be spoken to to hear or feel the teachings of the Spirit. I didn't understand that on Tuesday night. I believed that I was the way that the Spirit was communicating to others thereby putting myself above another and committing the bigger sin.

Oh how ashamed I felt.

I knew better. I have been trying to work on Humility and there I am doing the complete opposite. If I could go back I would. I would let others comment and I would quietly think about the comments I had and put them in a special place in my heart.

You know how we are taught to not share every spiritual experience we have because it can lose it's sacredness? I think the same thing goes for comments in class. Sometimes thoughts come to our head that are meant just for us. That are meant to teach us, not the whole class. And I would like to believe that if the Spirit needed to teach the whole class, then He would through the teacher or by Himself.

I need to be more humble and let the Holy Spirit guide and teach. I cannot take the credit or glory for inspiring thoughts and Tuesday night, I tried to. The outcome being much more sorrowful that intended.

I know that the Lord will teach us by experience. He will test us and try us and help us see our weaknesses that we may be made humble and come unto Him. And by so doing, be shaped into the people that He needs us to be. That we may BECOME more like Him. I know that the Lord loves us and doesn't want us to feel inadequate, but feel empowered and strengthened by the power that He desires to give us. Power that we can receive from the Atonement of our beloved Savior, Jesus Christ.

So next time I'm in class, if I raise my hand every 5 minutes, go ahead and whisper "It's okay, Emily. He's got this."