Last fast Sunday, I was really prayerful about what I could do to be a better person. I knew that what I was doing at the time wasn't enough and I needed more purpose in my life. I received a beautiful answer that made me cry big sloppy tears.
Stop making everything about you and serve others.
It was exactly what I needed to hear and so I made it my goal that week to do so. I was in Reno at the time and when I got home, I immediately began thinking of ways that I could serve others.
Monday, I offered rides to FHE which no one needed.
Tuesday, I bought groceries and was supposed to get flowers for my mom, but I forgot.
Wednesday, I put a reminder in my phone to send my grandma a thank you card for her Christmas present and I also forgot.
*In my mid-week evaluation, I felt pretty low and stupid for trying to do this. I was so frustrated that I was trying to follow a prompting that Thursday came and I made it all about me.
Thursday, I was supposed to have an ice cream date before sports night, but I got a call that informed me that it would no longer be a "date". It was fine and I was fine and when the 3 of us drove to get ice cream, I sat in the car refusing to be the bigger and better person and think of others. It made the night a disaster and I felt like the stupidest person in the world.
Friday, I felt the repercussions of Thursday and decided that just because I failed didn't mean I couldn't try again. I baked my favorite scones (not just fried bread dough) and delivered them to some friends. I had so much fun baking that it was like nothing had happened on Thursday.
Saturday, I woke up early to go serve in the temple and that was the most amazing thing that could have happened to me that week. Being somewhere so sacred and holy made me remember my desire to serve and that I can try again everyday to do it.
There is a quote that hangs in my kitchen from Winston Churchill that reads, "Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts."
I'm currently sitting in my bed writing this post feeling the weight of this quote on my heart. Things have happened since that Saturday that have made it difficult to WANT to continue, but I know that this desire to serve came from the Lord. The Lord knew that I needed to learn a lesson in humility and service. The lesson came at a price that was unexpected and arguably unfair.
Then I remembered this wonderful Mormon Message that I believe everyone should watch daily to remind themselves that the Lord's plan for you is so much greater than your own. It can feel unfair and hurtful, but the Savior's atonement can remove that pain and replace it with faith and love.
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