Feeling Different

I'm not a pessimistic person. In fact, most people would describe me as a sunshiny, bubbly, happy person. 

But I'm going to take a moment to express how different I have been feeling lately.

Ever since my birthday, something has been off. I don't feel the same. I'm not so inclined to be happy. I'm not so encouraged to be nice to other people. I feel like I am just a mean person and that no one really cares about me or about my life. 

I could go on and on about how terrible I feel, but like I said, I'm not a pessimistic person. 

But the last straw was noticing that a girl I visit teach unfriended me on facebook. A girl who I have tried and tried to show love to and serve in ways that only I could do, but it hurt.

I was so confused. Did I do something wrong? I have tried to see her and show her my love for her, but apparently she doesn't see it the way that I do. 

So this is me trying to turn myself around to have a better perspective about everything. 

I watched a Mormon video that helped me. View here.

He said that he needed to get a better perspective, so he asked himself, Who am I?

Who am I?

Right now, even that question is a little difficult to answer.

I am Emily Jex. I am 20 years old. I am trying each and every day. 

I am a child of God. I am the receiver of so many blessings. I am a believer in forgiveness, in the atonement, in my Savior, Jesus Christ. I am a promoter of life, happiness, and fun. I am an enforcer of truth and fairness. I am a lover of family, friends, and hope. 

In no way, shape, or form, am I perfect. 

I am guilty of so much wrong, but I am worthy of so much hope for the future regardless of my past.

Recently, I was accused of talking about my mission too much, but I remember an experience that is so relevant to my life that I don't understand why I wouldn't talk about it.

I was helping with the Trail of Hope, leading a group down the trail, in the dark, using only the lamp I was holding and the light of the moon. At the very end, I had the opportunity to bear my testimony. The Spirit witnessed to me what I needed to say to this group. I talked about how the Lord is mindful of all our needs, of all our worries and weaknesses and wants to be a part of everything we go through. 

When I closed, I watched them walk away, knowing that they were affected by the words that the Spirit conveyed to me that I should say. 

This experience came to mind because I realized that I needed to remember the things that I said to the group for myself. The Lord is mindful of MY needs, all of MY worries and weaknesses and wants to be a part of everything I go through. 

I can do it. I can still be happy and joyful throughout my hard experiences, whatever they may be. 

Even if it feels as though the world is tumbling on top of me, telling me that I am not doing enough and not worthy of love, I know that the Lord is watching out for me and that He loves me. More than any girl I visit teach, more that any guy I may be interested in, more than the world.