Fear

What is it like to really be afraid?

Not the "oh, I am afraid of spiders".

But the type of fear that takes over your body. Makes you shake. You can't sleep. It feels as though you are completely lost.

It doesn't happen very often to me. But when it does, I remember who I am and the blessings I have been given to overcome those fears.

I just recently had my BYU school of music audition.  I was nervous, but it is ok to be nervous before an audition, in fact, it is healthy.  But it is still an audition. I had this type of fear come over me....

This audition isn't like the ones I have had before.  Because, if I don't make it, I have no idea what I will do with the rest of my college career. I don't know what I want to do. The French Horn is my love. It is the one thing that I always felt I could excel in.

But when I came home from my audition, I was greeted by my roommate who asked if I was going to the ward party.  Getting my mind off of the worries and having fun with my friends saved me a lot of tissues.

I say this time and time again because I firmly believe it to be true, but things happen for a reason.  If I don't get accepted into the school of music, then I know that there is something out there for me that is better.

There has to be something better out there for me if I don't get in, right?

This is just the thoughts of my mind and my heart.
I hate waiting.