What is wrong with what I said?

I came across this video linked here.
And I loved it. Watch it.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

So flash back.

I am 13 years old.
I had just moved from California to Colorado.
I'm new in school and I know no one.
The girls from church hardly talk to me.
My sister is in high school and I am in 7th grade.

I am sitting in the school counselor's office.
Crying.
I had just been told to F*** off by a girl in my class.
The counselor asked me what happened.

 What happened?!
It wasn't just one instance. 
This had happened before.
and before.
and before.

Fat. Ugly. Bossy. Bitchy.
I got them all.


The reason this video stood out to me was because it happened to me.

Girl- "Hey Emily."
Me- "What's up?"
Girl- "You must really like dessert."
Me- "Why do you say that?"
*laughing*
Me- "Uh...."
Girl- "I just feel like out of all of us, you would like dessert most."
Me- "Are you calling me fat?"
*more laughing*

I get mad. Like really mad. She says F*** off and I'm sitting in the counselor's office.
I tell her what happened.
She looks at me and says, "I'm sure she wasn't calling you fat. I wouldn't worry about it too much."
I get sent back to class.

People are getting conversation started about Mental Illness which I advocate HARD CORE for, but body shaming and bullying has always been a part of the conversation and yet, I feel like no one listens.

This isn't about calling people fat. It's about making anyone FEEL LESS about themselves because of the their outward appearance.

Spencer W. Kimball said,

 “Let there be no question in your mind about your value as an individual. The whole intent of the gospel plan is to provide an opportunity for each of you to reach your fullest potential, which is eternal progression and the possibility of godhood.”

It is now 10 years later and I can still remember the stinging pangs that those words had on me as if it had just happened, but it doesn't last. I have felt the cleansing power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ wash over me and take those pains away.  

But I am not the only victim. 

It is our responsibility to help others feel and see that they are worth all the love in the entire world. They deserve the high praise just for BEING. 

This is just one of those things that I feel very passionate about...

Thanks for reading.

Hi.

hi.
my name is Emily.
and I'm a perfectionist.




and when I say perfectionist, I don't mean someone who just wants to be perfect at everything.....i emotionally NEED to be perfect in order to feel as though I'm worthy and accepted.

it's quite exhausting-emotionally and physically.

not to bore you with my trials and struggles, but I came across a quote that took exactly how I was feeling and put it in words.


"Heavenly Father's plan of happiness invites us to be humbly at peace on our life's journey to someday become perfected in Christ, not constantly worried, frustrated, or unhappy in our imperfections today... To be worthy does not mean to be perfect."
-gerrit w. gong


I shouldn't feel as though I am unworthy in the eyes of my God or even in my own eyes just because I am imperfect. His grace is far reaching and I will never stray too far from the light of the Savior and his loving arms.

I'm learning more and more each day how much He loves me. And although there are definite days that I feel like I don't deserve His love, He still gives it.

That's all that I feel like really talking about in regards to this topic. I know He is real. I know He is there to save and lift. I love Him.

A really great weekend

A couple months ago, I decided that I was going to go to Banff National Park with some random people in my stake for Labor Day weekend with my friend Georgi.

We saved money and got work off and did all the things to prep for the weekend. The week before Labor Day, we went to a meeting for the trip and got a really bad feeling about the trip. Neither of us felt comfortable with going with these strangers and to be frank, I was MAD that I was getting a bad feeling about it. I have never been out of the country and wanted to go see all of these gorgeous places. I was devastated that I knew I shouldn't go.

I had my dad give me a blessing to help me feel confident in my decision and give me peace that it was the right choice. The blessing was more than what I could ask for. I received answers and inspiration for other things going on in my life. I stood up and gave my dad a hug and knew with a surety that I wasn't supposed to go to Canada.

But I was still very sad.

Because life always works out and I have been blessed with amazing friends, I was still able to have a BOMB weekend.

I went with my friend and his sister and her friend to Paris, Idaho where we help paint this lady's house and clean out her basement. Then we went hiking to Bloomington Lake. Then laid out at Bear Lake and just had the best time doing nothing. I loved that my weekend consisted of service and play. Being able to help people made my experience more enjoyable. And I absolutely love my friends.

Pics or it didn't happen, amiright?!

Now back to the work grind.

Sit Still, Look Pretty

So I assume it's no surprise to anyone when I say that I struggle with self confidence.
Why?
Because literally EVERYONE does.

My friend Georgi takes pictures and she is really good.
So I think to myself, if Georgi takes pictures of me, then I will see myself as pretty and not struggle with self confidence.
Right?
Wrong.

 Here is a pic she took of me. I like the way I look and I think I look pretty cute.
So, why is it that I feel like chunks of leftover chicken casserole in the garbage can?



Ok Emily, is this another blog post about it's important to look beyond the physical and see your worth from within, just like you have been taught since you were a little girl in Young Women's?

Yes.

Yes it is.

This will ALWAYS be an issue. This will ALWAYS be something that I fight everyday to overcome.

So yes, I need these repetitive posts to help me see that I, Emily Jex, have more to contribute to this world besides a picture that captures a millisecond of my outward beauty. 

I will read those constant posts from the Mormon Channel and LDS.org, quoting prophets and leaders who say that the Lord looks on the heart of an individual and that He loves everyone.

I need that. I need to be told often that the Lord loves me. I am weak and dependent and I need the saving power that I can get from the One that knows me best.

He took upon Himself every bad part of me.
Willingly.
Meekly.
Lovingly.
And He has asked that in return, I remember Him and serve Him and love Him.

That is what I have covenanted to do. And I know that I won't be perfect at it. I know that there will be several occasions where I won't do my part. But He will still love me and strengthen me and lift me up to try again.

This won't be the last time I post about something like this and I am fully accepting of that fact. But I am also accepting of the fact that I'll be able to get through it because I have the greatest advocate on my side who loves me more than I can comprehend.
And that is worth it.

BE.

A couple weeks ago, there was this boy, Sam, who stood up in front of 100 people and began to speak simple truths. These truths stemmed from his heart and soul, meant to inspire as well as comfort those who felt as though they were not worthy of being.

He stated beliefs, ideas, facts, and opinions. He bore witness to God's love and His ever present placement in our lives. He thanked God and others for their supportive words.

And then he said this:

"Thank you for being."




...That's it. 

Being what? Being cool, friendly, happy, nice......?

None of the above.
Just BEING.


Has anyone ever said that you before?
Thank you for being.....

That just your presence is something to be grateful for. That YOU.... yes.... YOU, are worth while and are worthy enough to be acknowledged by anyone and everyone.

To just be...
let go of the things that make you worry or fret
To just be...
give time and place for yourself and your soul


I'm amazed by the words that this young man spoke. I will never forget how he made me feel as he said, "Thank you for being."

Blue and Yellow

So first off, watch THIS.


There will always be hard things we go through in this life. Moments where all we see is yellow and all we want is the blue- the way life was before the hard things happened. It is important to always remember that in order to feel and understand good things, we need to have the bad. That with the bad, comes more good and more opportunities to see GREEN. The way Heavenly Father designed us to see. 

It is all so very wonderful and hard and beautiful and painful at the same time. But it is all worth it. 

 

Fight

This past Sunday I was scheduled to teach Gospel Doctrine. I had plenty of notice and kept putting it off. I had ideas, but never sat down and read the lesson until Sunday morning.

I was so scared of the topic. I was mad at myself for not prepping earlier. I doubted my abilities. I faltered in my faith. I wanted to straighten my hair, but was fearful I wouldn't have enough time to do that and I felt stupid for worrying so much about my looks.

Throughout the morning, my mom saw my struggle and tried to relate the things she was learning from the lesson that she was supposed to teach to me and my lesson. I struggled to see how it related at all. My fear was a solid brick wall that prevented any inspiration or peace from entering my heart.

I went to my room and just cried.

Then my angel mother came into my room, softly whispered "Let's pray".
We knelt at my bed and she offered up a sincere and beautiful prayer to help me.

I felt the spirit, but I also felt the penetrating and paralyzing fear.
My heart was fighting- I wanted the spirit, but the fear was so real. I didn't know what was going on....The adversary was really fighting me and I didn't know how to fight back. I felt as though I was throwing random punches into dark space, sometimes hitting my opponent, sometimes swinging so hard that I knocked myself over.

My mom left and I sat on my bed. I stared at my scriptures and just waited.
Then I began to write.
I wrote out thoughts and scriptures and questions that I wanted to ask.

I finished and was able to do my hair and makeup and then I left for church, giving my mom and hug goodbye. She said "you'll be in my prayers".

I felt her prayers. I stood in my class and began.....it didn't go exactly as planned, but there were so many inspiring and insightful comments that made the discussion so GOOD. I felt the spirit as I bore witness of the power of bearing testimony and being worthy of the spirit. We talked about how we need to always have the spirit with us. Then someone made the comment that always having the spirit with us isn't as easy as we make it out to be.
 I loved that comment because it isn't, but we know the blessings that come from having the spirit and those promises should be enough for us to fight for the spirit.

The class was full of comments and I felt so worthy of the spirit as I bore testimony which only made me feel of God's love for me and His consistent presence in my life.

I am so grateful for my mom who came into my room and knelt with me. Her example set a tone for my lesson, for my life.....She turned to the Lord in moment of worry and question. There was no fear in her heart because she knew the Lord would provide and she wanted me to see that too.